I have not a clue why, but after 11 seasons I am still just as enthralled with American Idol as I was the day I thought that douche Justin Guarrini was cute. Don't worry dear reader, I rolled my eyes at mahself for that one. Gross.
From the crazy auditions to all the moms trying to get a piece of Seacrest (whom I really love to hate...only to love again), to rooting for the inevitable under dog, and yes those moments that give you the goosies when you witness a true star being born. It is the epitome of the American dream: the guy who has Tourette's who got up on that stage and rocked as hard as Freddie Mercury. It's anyone's game. No really anyone. In this week's post we talk hilariousness, JLo's abs, Steven, the DAWG and my hopes/predictions for this season.
From the crazy auditions to all the moms trying to get a piece of Seacrest (whom I really love to hate...only to love again), to rooting for the inevitable under dog, and yes those moments that give you the goosies when you witness a true star being born. It is the epitome of the American dream: the guy who has Tourette's who got up on that stage and rocked as hard as Freddie Mercury. It's anyone's game. No really anyone. In this week's post we talk hilariousness, JLo's abs, Steven, the DAWG and my hopes/predictions for this season.
Of course some of the best non-singing moments in Idol history emerged from the ridiculi (William Hung, slutty girls in bikinis, Paula and her
You kind of do look like a fool with your pants on the ground JUSTIN BEIBER!!!
Sure I get it. People miss him. The arrogance, the accent, the way he looked at Paula, (dude you totally tapped that - but hey...I am not judging...<<< CUE KEVIN HART: SHE GONNE LEARN TODAY>>>>) the "insults" which always made me think...is it an insult if it's ACTUALLY true? And his sweaty hairy chest...that's what I miss the most really. If you look at old clips from the first season, Sexy Cowell looks like he is in a turtleneck competition with Steve Jobs. FACT: He still looked hot. FACT: He had a long run and he was extremely entertaining. But sometimes a change can bring unexpected delight. Enter Rock Legend Steven Tyler. I can't express ENOUGH how much I love this fucker on the show. I don't want any LIP from any of yous about it. His quirkdom (quirkiness + randomness) and genuine love of music is disarming and even though DUDE LOOKS LIKE A LADY he still charms the hell out of anyone walking around with lady lumps. That kind of loving drives a (wo)man insane. Including this bitch. Pink is my favorite color and when you are on I don't want to miss a thing. (Aww remember Ben Affleck and the animal crackers on Liv's belly..superrrr cuteeee) I am jaded because I have always loved you with such sweet emotion, but I know our love can never be so I will just dream on...and push play on my ipod.
Let's talk J.Lo. Again. Cause anywhere I go I'm spotted...and anything I want I got it. 5'5 with brown eyes...smile like the sunrise. But the New Yorican is so much more than caramel. That bitch was popular BEFORE idol, but the best thing she ever did was join as judge. Just when you think she can't be more beautiful she turns out to be a total betty on the inside too! For the love of Ryan Seacrest can't you just be a total bitch on camera just once!!! I whip my hair back and forth...I whip my hair back and forth...between the impeccable hair and stunning legs Ms. Lopez's beauty really stands out. Who could forget last season when she had a hard time cutting the runt of the litter. Of course on most counts they weren't THAT good but she teared up when she saw the desperation and sadness in their eyes. The make-up team was pissed! That shit had to be done all over again. For someone who has a legit diva rep (I said evian not fiji!! MORON!) she sure looked like a nice lady who felt bad giving the news to these peeps. Don't get it twisted boo, it is all about the benjamins with this very savvy business woman, but her presence on AI has really changed public perception of her alleged divaness and made her more relatable to America. Also I really want to get that belt she always wears, it really goes with everything. Oh wait... Those are her abs. Have you seen her in WILL.I.AM.'s new vid for THE (The Hardest Ever)?...um yea...that lace one piece body suit...what can one say about such an outfit...well the song features Rock legend Mick Jagger (no really, I am not kidding...hey he needs that paper too! Coke is really expensive kids...) and all I thought while he was on the screen was...Bring J.Lo back! Sighhhhssss.... SCORE: Ms. Lopez A BILLION, MC: zip. SAD.I.AM.
Randy, you were in Journey and you are awesome DAWG! I always look forward to seeing your crazy metro shoes. Is there really anything else to be said?
There are a few songs I'd love to hear this season. Although the mass population loathes unknown songs, I think they can work wonders if done correctly. I'd love to see one of the females like Lauren Mink do Mariah's make it happen off her epic Emotions album. Now we know not any yahoo can take on the other MC, but this song can bring front runner status. If you remember she was the really beautiful blonde AI found in Savannah who works with disabled adults (of course she does). And while she has a country vibe I think this song would be a great option for her. It has all the makings of a great piece of music: 1) uplifting and inspiring message - she says in her interview that she wants to show people you can do anything you set your mind to... (a very cathartic moment of looking at the camera), 2) easy arrangement and melody with an opportunity for a spectacular a capella moment (dim the lights do that 360 spin with the camera) 3) if you take on Mariah and do it justice in a full powerful chest voice, the other contestants should just call it a day, go home and vote for you! I once was lost but now I'm found I got my feet on solid ground. Thank you Lord. I am not one with the lord, but man I hear that part and I start thanking the SBJ and throwing out lots of Can I get a witness?! I think America will eat it up. Lauren has a lot of potential and is instantly likeable. I think she will be top 3.
Another hope I have for Idol is more instrument playing. This is my hope every year, but a killer piano and guitar player always makes for a better season because they can actively participate in the arrangement of a song. Enter Philip PHILLIPS. What an awesome fuckin name! Yo this dude is not only cute but he played THRILLER on the guitar. Who does that!??! Top 3 for sure and he might just take the ENTIRE thing! Remember who said it FIRST!
It has been a very long time since we had a serious Asian presence on American Idol. Everybody Wang Chung tonight. Yup I said it!! And I can't wait. Just when you thought he was going to be a dilusional nut case who thinks he can change the world with his voice (like the moron who sang Selena Dion...yea... he thought that was one person!)...Heejun Han sang Michael Bolton better than...MICHAEL BOLTON!?! WAIT WHAT!? H SQUARED you are going far my man!!!
And lastly, how could I forget, the answer to my prayers...the sweet sweet baby Jesus has FINALLY given minorities their own Justin Beiber with 12 year old David Leathers Jr. Never say never right BEIBS!? Actually this cute little midget is 17 (someone needs to drink a little more milk) and he is also known as "Mr. Steal Your Girl" thankyouverymuch. Because he will STEAL YO BITCH like at recess or something. After I tried super hard not to imagine this child in a romantic relationship of any kind, his voice completely won me over. He was compared to a young Michael and his range was so impressive for someone who clearly hasn't even hit puberty yet. I am predicting he will round out the top 3 with Lauren & P-thrilla, unless he hits puberty during the show. Which will be a little disappointing.
Athough auditions aren't over these are the few that struck a chord with me. Even if they don't win, they can still become stars in their own right ala Daughtry or Katherine McPhee. In the name of "research" I watched the pilot episode of SMASH currently available on hulu. I am OBSESSED!!!!!! I never liked McPhee... but I kind of love her now AND this show. Suck it GLEE you will never be as good as this! I am sooo ready to WANG CHUNG with more Seacrest, J.Lo legs, Tylerisms, Randylicious advice AND some amazeballs singing for season 11. THIS IS AMERICAN IDOL!! SEACREST OUT!
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@bitchingbbandit
JAM OF THE WEEK: Everybody Wang Chung Tonight - Wang Chung
As always keep it ferocious and fabulous!
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