Frickles, sweet tea, NeNe Leaks, back porches, ribs, bbq, corn bread, Matthew McConaughey, green beans, unlocked doors, moonshine, gators, football, and of course top notch southern rock. Those are the things that make the south the great place it is. This here yankee smickity smack talked southerners for many moons before my tune changed. It really does take one to know one. I spent last week on vacation in FLO-RIDA...getting acquainted with my southern side (I think that was the longest I've gone without cursing...and then I ruined it. (Don't judge me. You know it's hard out here for a pimp!) and I may have been spotted saying Y'all.... GASP! EW! Please don't tell anyone.
Country roads take me home to the place I belong...west virginia...mountain momma...take me home...country roads... I never get tired of seeing the abundance of greenery, lizards, John Denver, places to eat wings, and the spanish moss the southland offers. The famous easy laid-back lifestyle, that is so starkly different from my everyday: black dresses and blazers and an equally dark expression of anxiety/stress stamped on my face. People have told me when they see me in the street I look like I am gonna cut a bitch. Yes I did yes I did somebody please tell 'em who the F I is. Unfortunately that's just my standard commuting face. Sweet home Alabama life is not one I am accustomed to...There is so much that us yankees find hard to understand, for example: do we have to say hello to EVERYONE?! Can't we just keep walking and avoid eye-contact? Now you know I am NOT a shyster type of biotch but sometimes I just don't feel like saying hello to random peepos. Another stumper: Just how expensive is the dentist there? No seriously... Is ESPN the only channel on cable? What channel is Bravo on? What do you mean you don't know what the Real Housewives show is?! Why is Walmart your mall? How come you don't lock your doors? Why are you so trusting of people? But I quickly realized I don't NEED to know the answers to any of these questions. Seriously. Por que Maria Garcia?! Well because it turns out country folk don't understand why I am not friendly to all we meet, why my teeth look like Whitney Houston's, (turns out me and the Whitters used the same lab for our veneers. True story.) why I don't football, why I buy TB flats and shop at stores where the name is so weird (why do they call themselves Madewell? Why would I think the clothes are NOT made well? - by far one of the most amusing conversations I've had in a long time) Both sides may not fully understand each other, but the difference between the southern noids and myself is that they don't judge me for what they don't understand and the way I are.
Life is old there. Older than the trees. The southern culture is deeply rooted in tradition. People cherish the passage of time and look for ways to incorporate their of sports (mostly football), music and back porchin into their everyday lives. There is nothing that a little sunshine, firefly or if you are hard core (one bourbon, one scotch, and one beer) and some Lynyrd can't cure. Face time is above calls, texting, emails, and certainly fb status updates. You know what I say about that? MER...okay fine...It is kind of nice to have a real conversation. One thing that never ceases to amaze me is how Patriotism is always in season the same way a pretzel is in the NYC. An unexpected tender moment came when my babes and I were preparing our secret weapon dish for the thanksgiving feast. We persuaded one of the guests to sneak a taste as we cooked it because we were sure it was a home run (as you can see modesty runs in our family) He looked at my baby and said "If it's made by a veteran, it is good enough for me." I will never forget that. It kicked my yankee ass. I had to immediately retort with sarcasm (it's all I know!) to prevent my emotions from reaching DEF-CON 5. (Last time I was that choked up was when Danity Kane announced their split. Very dark day. Damaged. I thought that I should let you know. My heart is damaged).Military service and devotion to our country is highly regarded there. As it should be. Everywhere. All the time. (But you my smart and caring reader ALREADY know that.)
Southerners are not only proud to be Americans (where at least I know I am free), they are proud to be southern Americans. History and it's twists and turns have helped the south develop a micro-culture with its own distinct traditions. Look at how diverse Louisiana is. Good thing TJ had the good sense to snatch that gem! Another southern trademark is their dialect: before you see a southerner, you hear their accent. Unless they smile. (I kid. Yes...I know I am going to hell. Bring the tanning lotion bitches!) Then there is of course, the food sitch. Southerners have a saying which I think sums up their cuisine perfectly: If it ain't fried it ain't cooked. Soul food is mah kind of food. Finger lickin good. Say it wit me. And if you were thinking yea but are those tards smart? I will remind you that great minds like Mark Twain, Edgar Allan Poe, Harper Lee and Channing Tatum call this eclectic region home. Lastly, la musica. Ya tu sabes!! (I am sorry I just find it REALLY difficult to omit Pitbull from my posts.) From the days of slaves asking the sweet chariot to swing low to FLO-RIDA's shawty who got low low low...music in the south has been birthed, grown, killed and re-conceived over and over again in a way no other region domestic or otherwise has done. In my humble opinion anyway. Bluegrass, country, southern gospel, blues, jazz and rock and roll started in the south. Voices like Fats Domino, Little Richard, Elvis, James Brown, Otis Redding were passing around the grits, sipping whiskey out the bottle not thinking 'bout tomorrow in between creating great music. Later in the 1970's came The Allman Bros, Lynyrd, ZZ Top & Hank Williams. Oh Hank, before you were proclaiming our Obama a Nazi, you crooned If they don't have a Grand Ole Opry, like they do in Tennessee...Just send me to Hell or New York City, it'd be about the same to me. Ouch boo. That shiz hurts. In the past decade we have seen the emergence of the Dirty South rappers who again reinvented southern music. One post could NEVER do southern music justice. So I won't attempt it. Instead Let me see you get low. You scared you scared. Drop that ass to the floor. You scared.
Southern Hospitality is not just Luda's 2000 hit which forced me to endlessly drop bows on mofo's all day eerrrday. It is not just a delicious grub joint on the upper east side.... It is legit. Too legit too quit. The definitive trait, second to amazeballs music that southerners can claim. They open their doors and hearts to any and everyone from the ATL to the 305. I resisted their charming and inviting ways with sarcasm and judgement but eventually my yankee swag lost a well fought battle. I was completely intoxicated with the laissez faire attitude I kind of.... Um.... considered what it would be like to live there! SAYYYY WHATTTT?!?! Now that we found love {FLO-RIDA} what are we gonna do with it? (RIP Heavy. I hope you are feeling hunky dory with the SBJ) Calm down...I don't mean move NOW or FOREVER but it would be nice to frequent a place where trouble melts like lemon drops, tanks and shorts is considered your sunday best and ribs and wings are within walking distance no matter where in the state you are. But fortunately NY is not just a tan that you'll never lose. I carry my NY with me always, and while I have no plans to relocate anytime soon, I think it is time we give the south the props it deserves. To honor them I am gonna peace out butter scouts and go drop some bows!!
JAM OF THE WEEK: Southern Hospitality - Ludacris
As always keep it ferocious and fabulous!
