What kind of fuckery is this!??!

 

I've always wondered what it is like to have such amazeballs raw talent that it leads to creating morning noon and night. Talent so intense and ever present harnessing it is not a matter of hard work but will. This week we will be discussing two great Brits whose short lived reign left a definitive mark on the world and of course inspired me.

I've always been average at everything. True story. I don't know what it is like to wake in the middle of the night with a great idea for a movie, a painting, a garment, or a song. I am more of an operations type. Tell me what the idea is and I will make it happen. The logistics so to speak. This past week I had the pleasure of seeing the Alexander McQueen Savage Beauty exhibit at the Met. To say that it was spectacular would be an understatement. Perhaps because I've never truly experienced anything quite like it, I was awestruck. I went in the middle of the afternoon and the wait was 2 hours. The line wrapped around through all the galleries on the second floor. Along the way I heard crazy tourist make comments like "do you think the subway will be dangerous at night?" and got to experience the Mesopotamia and Babylon years. I watched disgruntled husbands and children keep coming back only to say "mooom you are still on this line...?" I loved the tenacity of the woman in front of me. Her family kept coming back to guilt her into leaving the line. "I came to see some McQueen and I ain't leaving till I do" Good for you sister. Power to the moms! It's about time they get to do something THEY want! I heard many self described McQueen experts school the non-experts on the line: He was actually from scotland but had deep ties to London. He was really disturbed, but extremely talented. Alexander is actually his middle name. We finally reached the entrance to the exhibit only to find that photographs could not be taken. Of course assholes still did it anyway.

At first I was disappointed, but as I worked my way through the first piece, an unbelievable dress made out of ostrich feathers and medical glass slabs, I didn't even care about not being able to use my camera. The dress held my attention for a few minutes... I mean really?! Who would even think of dying medical glass slabs red? Only Dr. Quinn medicine woman if she started a high end couture line. And this was only the first dress. The following hour and a half was spent musing around from piece to piece wondering how such a distinctively brilliant mind could not see what a gift he was to fashion and art. One piece was more decadent and exotic than the last, and really seeing it up close...I am talking inches from my face...was a true treat. The construction and detail were so intricate and yet made to look deceptively simple. Truly genius. I might have lost my mind when I got to see the iconic McQueen tartan and I might have possibly reached out and touched it. What an honor! Luckily the guard didn't see me. Phew!

 Alexander was known for his extremes. He became known as the hooligan of english fashion because of the shock tactics he used during his shows, IE: one controversial collection titled Highland Rape. His ability to perfectly pair extremes is apparent in not just his pieces but also in his famous quotes displayed throughout the exhibit. "I oscillate between life and death, happiness and sadness, good and evil."  He hung himself one morning in February 2010 after a dark period of heavy drug use, unwavering unhappiness and his mother's death. Alexander McQueen's exhibit showed me something I haven't seen in a long time: beauty in the most unlikely of places. It was quite mesmerizing to listen to his pieces and absorb the amazing stories they each told. Although his brand will continue the spirit of his genius will always be missed. Lady Gaga wrote "Fashion of his Love" in his honor and it is an amazing song, truly fitting just like Mr. McQueen himself. Download!

In one of my favorite Amy Winehouse song's she asks "What kind of fuckery is this..?" Indeed Amy this song is the perfect alliteration to your short sad tragic life. In it she sings in her raspy and soulful voice about how nothing stands in between her and Mr. Jones. In real life nothing stood between her and boo Blake, not even drugs, as he has always been noted as the culprit who introduced Amy to drugs. Her death has left many like myself reflecting on what could have been...A duet with Adele? A tour with Florence and the Machine...all just dreams now...

The story goes that after some fugazi behavior on Amy Jade's part, her management suggested a trip to rehab after her debut album Frank. Boy she was honest in that album one of my faves is the song about FMP's (also known as "help yourself") The song is a very accurate and hysterical depiction of those clubby gold-digger skanky types. And the video is even more entertaining. I think they hired LI girls for it! (Youtube it!) She went to rehab for 5 minutes and gave management a big Fuck You with the creation of her I ain't got 17 days anthem. Because duh, she'd rather be at home with Ray. Back to Black is by far Amy's finest work, and probably one of the best albums of the entire decade. Yup I says it. The LP was huge in the UK and I remember reading about rehab before I heard it here in the US. Then I found a Jay-Z remix, in which his rap verse is sharp and relevant (per his usual) as he talks about drug addiction and shouts out Bobby and Whitney. Who was this Amy Winehouse I wondered...and I downloaded both albums. As I played the song I thought wow this black chick is bringing Jazz back. Awesome! I also immediately loved her low voice. In middle & high school I was sometimes an alto but mostly a tennor because my singing voice was deeper than all of the boy geeks in chorus. Good times. That scored me a ton of dates. So I was thrilled to be able to sing along to a song without having to bring it down an octave! The soulfulness that came across + the sound was nothing like I had heard in a very long time. I watched the video and realized she wasn't black and was British...DAAAMN!

Unlike American Disc Jockey's I listened and enjoyed the entire CD beyond rehab. "Valerie" stuck with me for about a year. I played that shit out night after night. The song makes me wonder who Valerie is and why won't she just come over?! The tempo of the song is so deliciously slow and it really feels like every note is being perfectly marinated as Amy sings it. The acoustic feel to it transports the listener to a simpler time. When a voice and a few instruments were enough to make great music. Suck it T-Pain with your auto-tune. When I wanted to give my ipod's most played joints a break, I found the Mark Ronson, Baby J and the Count of Monte Cristo & Sinden remixes. You may have heard the Ronson version butchered on glee. I am a big fan of glee: did not think they did AW justice. A faster more jazzed up version of the original song, MR did a great job evoking a longing from the listener to hear more as soon as the song ends. Plus I love hearing Amy's speaking voice in her delightful accent saying she was having too much fun right at the beginning. The Baby J refix has a reggae vibe to it. OMG I love it! Of course I do!! It's reggae....aside from that, it features UK artists I had never heard of before whom I thoroughly enjoyed. The Count of Monte Cristo & Sinden (these DJ names are so ridic!) remix is more of a fist pumping joint at a rave or maybe equally appropriate for the treadmill. The same song 4 very different ways and it is equally phenomenal. That's what I think is so very special about Amy's voice; she can be on a slow, fast, reggae and club dance record. Have you heard Jlo and Brit brit try to sing a slow song or ballad? It's rough peeps...real rough. Even with the best intentions (aka producers) it's just not something every voice can do.

By the time I am out the door you tear me down like Roger Moore. We all watched as the media had a good old fashioned field day with Amy's demise.  Like McQueen, she engaged in heavy drug use, self mutilating behavior, and an overall under appreciation of their contribution to their respective fields. McQueen dreamed up shit Karl Lagerfeld still wishes he thought of first. It was his relentless disassociation with the normal and the average in fashion that inspired so many. Amy opened up the market for singers like Chrisette Michele (I went to high school with her and we sat next to each other during chorus - download her debut cd you won't regret it), Duffy and Adele.  She redefined music at a time where instruments were OUT and sex was IN. So when you ask what kind of fuckery you are Amy...I say simply the best kind.

I feel deeply for people like Alexander & Amy. I don't understand addiction or suicide because I have never seen it first hand. Although I may come off to some as a hard and unforgiving absolutist when it comes to people who engage in self-destructive acts, I make an exception for these two Brits because of the future I won't get to see them partake in as a fan. When I heard about their deaths I died a hundred times. I wonder if maybe being blessed with so much talent makes some feel like they don't belong here with the rest of us. They see themselves as black & white while we see them as vibrant pops of color. Their time here on earth is spent searching for that darkness from which they came from. Do they think their demise is just a matter of time? And life is like a pipe and I am like a tiny penny rolling up inside the walls. There is nothing we can teach them that they can't learn from Mr. Hathaway...they cheated themselves like they knew they would. They told us they were trouble...you know they are no good.... May they both finally be at peace as they go back to black.

JAM OF THE WEEK: I know I made a lot of suggestions in this post...I say do them all but if you can only do one: Valerie (the original)

As always keep it ferocious and fabulous! 

 

LOVE?

Have you always looked like this?

 

Ya Jenny Llego! Presente. The most beautiful woman in the world is getting divorced. Say it aint so! Marriage is hard work and apparently not just for us average looking peeps. Jenny from the block knows all too well having been married thrice. It is true that marriage is an absolute leap of faith. There is no guarantee that it will work out, unless of course you are an irish catholic in which case you make it work no matter what, because deeeevorce is unacceptable. But does practice make perfect? You gotta do it your way. You gotta prove it. You gotta mean what you say. A little certain someone seems to think so.

Do you hear that? I just made a MILL

I find Jennifer Lopez to be an extremely admirable woman. I guess I am part of the new jloration. (Yup, I am still using it) Listen peepos I could give 2 shits (why two? How come its not four or six...hmmm...) about her diva demands. After all blue m&m's really don't go with the other colors and should be picked out, and so what if she pushed other celebrities to try to get to meet Will & Kate? Yo she is from the boogie down Bronx bitches...Nothing phoney don't hate on me. What you get is what you see. She has just enough personality to make you feel like she is the fun latina next door, but don't get it twisted boo, she will snap you like a cracker if she needs to. You best recognize. She has perfected her triple threat image to the point where we don't realize that she actually isn't one. But she is such a likeable celebrity that many aspire to emulate, so we say things like 'she can sing, she can act' when we know that is not really true. Sorry mami real talk. We all know she just wants to dance...is that a crime? alright then...play her mother fucking song... A very good dancer, yes, but aren't most spanish people? Unless you are me and you walk the fine line between an epilepsy attack and overall body jiggling. Apologies if you were eating.

I am such a bigger star than you...

What most people don't realize is what an astute business woman J to the Lo. is. She successfully used her ethnicity, her climb to fame while on the 6 train, her dating partners, and her looks to create an empire that is going to keep her singing love don't cost a thing well into her 90's. She is smart, but never overtly so, like that Scarlett Johansson who has to proclaim her intelligence in every single movie interview. (So over that bitch) Beautiful both naturally and with the help of a great hair and make-up team: beyond glamorous. J was the first celeb to imagine all her minions smelling just like her and wearing her clothes. She started the name shortening (I tried to rock M.Co but it never quite caught on), the celebrity couple mania, the american booty crazy AND the mad collabo's while Akon was still a Konvict: Ja rule, Nas, LL Cool J, The Lox, Fabulous, Marc Anthony, Pitbull & Fat Joe. As you can see I am actually a big fan, I pretty much foam at the mouth for any woman who is large and in charge. She proved that talent can only take you so far and if you play your cards right and chase the right opportunities you can be in a #1 movie (where you pretty much play yourself in various life scenarios) and have a #1 song on the radio. Kids anything is possible!!

It has been quite a roller coaster to see the array of male contenders who have shared the spotlight with Ms. Lopez. Like an italian mother I share the belief that nobody is good enough for my baby. There were those two regular people she married, but nobody actually cares about them. At least I don't! The only guy I truly loved her with was Puffy because they were making such beautiful studio engineered music. At the time they both had equal fame and so career jealousy wasn't an issue. Then reading like a tales from the ghetto script they were torn apart by a night club shooting. What a shame! The Bennifer years were a clear cry for help from a woman who had everything except the trophy husband.

Top this Teresa Giudice my kids are wayyy cuter!

So when Marc El Cantante (I actually think this is her second best performance  after Selena) came along it seemed like well...maybe...REALLY?...skeletor?!... Okay what my baby wants my baby gets. When she got preggers and had those little Jloritos it was hard not to be happy for her and I came to accept Marco as the real deal and not just a sperm donor. She's dreamed of this long for so long!

This is ridic on its own no caption needed!

Jenny from the block should have done a Sara Bareilles and said I am not gonna write you a love song...because it seems like every time she proclaims her love it comes back to bite her in the ass. The life and times of a true hopeless romantic, just wanting to tell the world about her man and...generate a little publicity (that never hurt anyone) Augh... I almost couldn't get thru the I'm glad video because it is so obviously about Ben Affleck and their amazing ahem...well you know. It was her version of the "name tattoo" that peeps  always be sayin is the doom of relationships. Oh wait...um...Marc has "Jennifer" on his wrist. Shit. WHY!??!! moving on...

Why are you so much better looking than my husband?

Her new CD titled Love? (How prophetic!) has already spun 2 hit singles. The latest I'm into you featuring her signature collabo with Lil Wayne has been the talk of the town since the news of splitsville went public. Now what kind of blog would this be if I didn't discuss even the alleged rumors? The first time I saw this video I was entranced by how stammeringly stunning Jennifer was along side some guy whom they call The Cuban Brad Pitt. When I wasn't distracted by the strategic product placement (that's my girl!) of Gucci sunwear and some kind of beverage called Koma, I couldn't take my eyes off these two god-like figures. J has come a long way from the days of "Gonna be alright" where her love interest looked like some guy the crew picked up in washington heights, offered him some deodorant and hair gel and surprise you're in a video! (It is so atrocious, I highly encourage youtubing it) The magnetism between these two and the song itself is captivating enough until the random dance interlude halfway thru. Listen Beyonce...what you think you are the only one who can have one in a video?! Okay Jennifer we know you can dance...can we see the Cuban Brad Pitt again? And can someone PLEASE buy me that gorgeous crystal dress by Chan Luu?! Or the snakeskin Lanvin dress? Or could I just be J.Lo.? Sighssss...Daaaamn Jenny you lookin' mighty fine (thanks for rocking the frizzyly insane curly do!!) and who can blame you if William Levy (Cuban Brad Pitt) gave you his digits and you used it. While I don't normally roll with adultery, for you my babes I am willing to make an exception. Sorry skeletor you didn't really think you were good enough for her? Not when she looks this good sorry boo. However I do think the media got the wrong Cuban. I'd much rather see my J with Mr. Worlwide as they embark on a journey of non-stop club hits. You heard it here first!

In the title song (What is) Love?, J croons what if I never find, and I'm left behind? Should I keep hoping for love? What is love? Somebody show me. First of all, I hope they release this as her next single as it is a good song, and perfect for what is going on now...another failed attempt at love and marriage (genius marketing strategy) Second, Jenny poo you aren't alone. Many people out there can relate. It isn't easy to be in a marriage for anyone, celebrity or pee on. It is a constant battle of our own ego vs love, and love has to always prevail. I think you should keep hoping for love, nobody can tell you what love is but I am positive that you will know it when it finds you. Third, Happy Birfday Ms. Lopez!!! Here is to another decade with you in it!! And for God's sake will you start aging already?!!?

Happy 8 year anniversary to my better half - You said that we could possibly spend eternity, see that's what you told me that's what you said. You had my love and I gave you all my trust. You always knew my love didn't cost a thing, and that I'd dreamed of this love for so long. We used to have a little, now we have a lot. I signed you up and we got right. I feel lucky like a four leaf clover.

JAM OF THE WEEK: Jennifer Lopez (What is) LOVE?

As always keep it ferocious and fabulous! 

Summer: Always be my baby

Druuuums please!!! Now that July 4th has come and gone, summer is officially in full swing. For me, this time of year is synonymous with endless summer slacking, weekend beach trips, succulent bbq's, blockbuster movies, generous alcohol consumption (blue moon!!!) and of course music to go with it all. In my opinion no summer is like a summer on my isla bonita, but there is something in the air during these months that it is almost intoxicating. I can't wait to fall in love with you, you can't wait to fall in love with me...this just can't be summer love...you'll see. While my affair with the best season is more pronounced from May thru September, it constantly lives in my mind reminding of what was and the fun to come. Summer Breeze makes me feel fine...blowing through the jasmine in my mind.

  

It was 1996 my thoughts were short my hair was long, caught some where between a girl and woman. It was summertime in Patchogue NY. When I was 13 I was finally allowed to walk to Corey Beach by myself and I thought it was the greatest thing since Noxema. That was the summer it became clear to me I could never live without a beach, or noxema for that matter. It was short lived and I moved onto to other products quickly. I can't help it I am a cosmetics whore! To say I am a beach bum is the understatement of the century. One of the things I love about summer is the restorative power it has. I need the beach the way plants need sun to make chlorophyll. I know some of you out there paid attention in earth science! I find such peace and inspiration at the beach, I think I am addicted to it. I love reading and this is the one place I can truly loose myself in a book. That is until some asshole yells out "Hey Joey look at that hot chick over there, yo bro she's banging" I guess now is a good time for a nap and the ipod. After I double check I didn't drive to seaside by accident I lay down and I am once again one with the earth. Just wasting time...let the hours roll by doing nothing for the fun...a little taste of the good life....

It's not a day for work, its a day for catching tan...just laying on the beach and having fun...she's going to get you! After a long week of work and commuting all that she wants more than anything is getting into my car and go fast on the parkway blasting music. This is an extremely important part of summer madness. Music, but more specifically the anthems we groove to year after year. I know summer has officially begun when I hear the entire endless summer album and I blast Summertime while driving slowly, the way DJ Jazzy Jeff and the Fresh Prince intended it to be. I pretty much consider any trace of reggae a summer song because it reminds me of my fondness for the Caribbean. I love a good jam mon! Sean Paul, check...after all these years I am still in love with you boy... Mr.Bob Marley and all of his hits, and that should not need an explanation. Although I am a white wine woman, red red wine you make me feel so fine...your kind of loving like a blessing from above. True story peeps.

 

In addition to songs there are a couple of music videos that can bring the summer vibe to us no matter time nor place. In 1995 Mariah set the standard for my summer must-haves. I love the video for fantasy, it makes me want to go to a carnival and sing about my sweet sweet fantasy while rollerblading. Was that song about Tommy Mottola? Ew double gross. Since then denim cutoffs have never left my life. The song really comes to life in the remix with Old Dirty Bastard. No...not Bill O'Reilly, silly wabbit, the rapper O.D.B. and Puffy finds a way to sneak into the song per his usual. Yoooooo NY in da house!! Classic! RIP ODB. The other video that hits the spot is Always be my baby. Yo mariah you on FIRE! The cute interracial love between the young kids at summer camp, Ms. Carey looking country chic swinging from the tire swing effortlessly and gracefully, I mean what else could a summer video need? 

I could write about summer songs until the next decade but my all time top summer song has always been and always will be Boys of Summer. I have no clue why...but I worship Don Henley the way mice worship cheese. Back when MTV actually played videos, I saw this black and white masterpiece. I was nine or ten and it was a special of the greatest 80's songs. Even though I didn't get the meaning right away its melody and young DH pounding on those drums with that fierce hair stole my heart. This video layers a summer romance on top of fading youth and is the epitome of nostalgia and hope. The three DH's look back even though they are not supposed to...gets me every time! If only wafers would look good on me, I'd be all set. I heart you Don Henley!!!!

 

So now that we've discussed the past, it is time to discuss 2011. My jam this summer for you to discover and enjoy before it is ruined by the radio, is a Pitbull song. His new CD "Planet Pit" is simply spectacular. I am pretty obsessed with Mr. 305/worldwide and have been for a long time but I think this song has really spoken to my hips this summer and hopefully my dear reader it will speak to yours. Appropriately titled Shake Senora since I am a married lady, it features Sean DaPaul & T-Pain. There is also a remix with the aforementioned AND Luda. I can't decide which version I like best though they are both outstanding. My fav part comes around 2:33 and for those of you who read last week's post you will know instantly why. I say download the entire CD and you will dance your way through the summer. Mal hablado y fresco... That's why I love you Pit!

JAM OF THE WEEK: Entire Planet Pit CD but specifically Shake Senora

As always keep it ferocious and fabulous!