The Ex- Files

As the new year gets under way the usual after-holidays break-ups begin to emerge.  First it starts with the weird facebook posts, slowly pictures go missing from photo albums and then the ultimate coming out to the world as your new and improved single self:

That's right you all know it... the moment your newsfeed is no longer the mundane minutia of "going to the gym" or "just had the best sandwich ever" and becomes a little more exciting and intriguing.  At this point one becomes thankful for facebook otherwise you wouldn't know a damn thing.  Or at least that's how I feel.  But as someone who never had an "ex" (I know totally lame! unless you count Adam who I dated for two ENTIRE periods in 10th grade, and Peter who I dated for about 3 days in 11th grade) I am in the dark when it comes to the treatment of an ex.

I know it's hard to believe but I've never had the satisfaction of stalking someone (while listening to Everything But The Girl) to see if the new bitch is better or worse than me...or cathartically thrown a drink in a jerk's face.  I have come across many jerks in my time, unfortunately none warranted a drink thrown at them.  I've never listened to Alanis' You oughta know while throwing clothes out my apartment window...such a shame...those dramatic antics would suit me well...

PB was right, love IS a battlefield and if it's rough during...it's ruthless after it is all over and an ex can be difficult and tricky to deal with.  Well someone else's ex that is...this post was inspired as recent relationships of some friends and family have ended and I am clueless as to how to handle the exes.  Before facebook took over my life, it was nearly impossible to run into the exes randomly, and in some cases I was lucky to remain friends with some of them. There were no issues back in the day but now...Do we stay friends on facebook? What if I un-friend them and then they get back together? Is it okay to friend the new girlfriend or boyfriend? How long should I wait before I do that?...so many questions and so much uncertainty when it comes to the answers...

I guess I could do nothing and just see what happens but I wouldn't say patience is my virtue per se. These ex files may be open for awhile and some may never be closed.  There will be a new crop of future exes before I finish typing this post anyway so I wonder if it really matters...

I dedicate this post to a special "ex" whom had I not stayed in touch with, I might have never discovered that she is my female soul mate; she understands me better than most and whose friendship I value and cherish.  She was the ex of a friend that I don't even talk to anymore.  She is infuriatingly intelligent, beautiful and the epitome of a true classy gal.  I love her and am so thankful I didn't un-friend her from my life.  Not that I could have even if I tried...

Oh, what a tangled web we weave...When first we practice to deceive!

All lies are a form of deception...right? Nope! I don't buy it! Some lies are justified and even necessary to all of our existence. Just this week I heard myself tell 5 lies.

Does that make me a deceptive person?

Maybe I will be getting one of these for Valentine's Day!

For years we have been told to be truthful and honest but how can you be both without sometimes hurting others? You can't. People can't even handle sarcasm (which is also a form of deception - supposedly) let alone the truth! The bigger question is what do we get out of hurting peeps by being honest? Most of us lie everyday (granted some more than others) but it is hardly to deceive others toward a negative purpose. We often lie to protect others' feelings, our own; because of embarrassment, or lack of some kind of acceptance.

I used to get $1 per tooth!

I love his vest so stylish!

But how does it start? As a child I learned to lie from my parents...they lied to me so much: "Trust me - I know better", "If you eat your vegetables you will grow taller", "If you watch tv too close you will go blind" and of course my fave trio: the tooth fairy, the easter bunny and Santa...need I say more? It didn't take me long to catch on and in turn I lied to get out of trouble or get my way...and it usually worked!

Turns out that lying in children is highly associated with intelligence. Now hear me out parents: A kiddie who recognizes the truth, then chooses to concoct an alternative and then sells it to an adult is using and developing their cognitive and social skills. The truth is just too simple for the above average munchkins! So if your kid stars lying to you...remember that means they are super smart!!!

Just so we are clear I am not in favor of all types of lies so let's break em down:

1) Big Lies - Think along the lines of "Iraq has WMDs" - Not cool

2) Bold-face lie - "I wanted to give you a raise but the final decision is out of my control" - hahah we've all heard that one! A little texture about where this expression came from...it started as "bald-face" lie in the 17th century when those without facial hair (and I guess nothing to hide behind) were deemed the most honest and most likely to get away with a lie. Then it somehow morphed into "bold-face" because of the arrogance and boldness the liar used in their tone. Now you know where that came from - but those are certainly not cool!

3) White Lies: "Yes your new hair cut does look great!" - Totally cool because the alternative can be hurtful - and the bright side is it will grow back eventually!

4) Lying by omission - if you don't ask me don't expect me to volunteer that info! Totally cool - as long as no crime was committed.

5) Pathological lying - def not cool and I don't even get it!

The consequences of lying are that either you get away with it or you don't.  As with anything, one must assess if the truth is more painful than the lying. But take heed: lying can be become hard work and quite time consuming, exactly the reason we aren't all cut out to be deceptive.

Nietzsche believed that people told the truth because they were too weak to handle all the lying.

To the contrary of Col. Jessup's comment in "A few good men" some can handle the truth...it's the lying that gets really hairy...

"I'm gonna rip the eyes out of your head and piss into your dead skull! You fucked with the wrong Marine!"

On to the next one...

Well here we are, another year, another resolution that I may or may not stick to.  I wanted to create a place to express myself in a creative and fun way.  I hope that you will enjoy this blog and keep coming back.  If you have made it this far...I thank you! 

Another year and yet it seems like time is moving faster than ever.  Okay I am done with 2010...now I am on to the next one. I remember when I was younger I literally felt time crawling, so anxious to finally be a grown up! Here I am! Yet wishing I was back in my old room laying on my 90210 sheets and endlessly staring at the ceiling while listening to my casettes (did I just age myself?!) simply because I could.  Today I am lucky if I can stare at anything for more than a few seconds before I start falling asleep.  Time seems to be moving so fast around me I can barely keep up, but the eternal optimist in me will always keep trying.

Yes I did it again!! I say jump and you all JUMP

 Today I watched Oprah's new network OWN (absolute crack by the way, as usual she knew exactly what she was doing) the show "Master Class" featuring one of my favorite people Sean Carter AKA Jigga man himself.  His song "on to the next one" was the inspiration for this post.  There was the usual "behind the music" element to it, with Oprah interjecting with some words of wisdom per her usual, but I heard him say something that really made me think about my outlook towards 2011.  

I am a genius and you know it...

Hov talks about the beginnings of his realizing the extraordinary talent he posessed while living in the projects.  His mother, passed down timesless words that according to him almost cost him his career.  "The hard work you put into something determines what you will get out of it."  Advice we have all heard from someone at some point in our lives.  If you work hard - then that must mean you accomplish what you worked hard for.  Jay talks about how writing rhymes and rapping was an easy and fun way to pass the time for him.  According to his mother since he wasn't working hard at it, it probably wouldnt materialize into anything worth while. He ponders this point, and then laughs and concludes that his mother probably didn't mean it that way. 

Creator of Rocawear

Co-owner of NJ Nets

 Obviously, there is no argument, at least not from me, that Jay-Z didn't work hard to get to where he is, even if his unbelievable talent comes as easily as breathing.  But it got me thinking...I know a few people who don't seem to be working that hard who are doing much better than people I know who have 3 jobs and still have nothing to show for it.  Is it all really just hard work? Is it absolutely true that if you work hard at something you will suceed?  I am not so sure, no disrespect Mrs. Hov.  

As a type A I find it extremely frustrating to work diligently at something and still fail.  Though it hasn't happened to me many times, just recently I tried very hard to learn to sew.  I put a lot of time and effort, and though I was miracolously able to piece a garment together, there hasn't been a sadder sight than me trying.  If you practice basketball day and night can you be like Lebron? If you memorize every math problem you can think of can you be a skilled mathmetician? Are there more elements to accomplishing something than simply the aspect of how much hard work is put in? Absolutely, the difficulty is in identifying what those other aspects are within each of us and when is it time to throw in the towel and say ok, I am done with that now, on to the next one.

If hard work isnt often enough, then why does society keep telling us it is? Our parents? If there was one thing I could take up with my father regarding my upbringing, it is this notion that working like a dog gets you where you want to be.  It helps, but it certainly isnt the only vehicle that brings us to accomplishment or sucess.  Ambition, drive, sacrifice, intelligence, perceptiveness, discipline, vision and balls of steel are the things that in combination with hard work have helped me accomplish what I have thus far.  And depending on which day of the week it is, I may feel as though I havent been able to accomplish anything (I did say I was type A didnt I?) The moment I realized I needed to accept that no matter how hard I worked I would never be an expert sewer was difficult.  I searched for reasons to not throw in the towel, because that must have meant I didn't work hard enough, I didn't want it bad enough.  

I don't think it means that, I just think it's time to move on. And go on to the next one...hello 2011!

"On to the next one" video by Jay-Z

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