Forget you!! No really, I already did!!!!

I can't believe 10 years ago I was a young fresh faced optimist who honestly (no for reals) thought the world was mine for the taking. Now I think 'what the hell did that idiot know?!' The truth is, she didn't know shit. Nothing. I walked around thinking because my mother left and I did things on my own a little sooner than others - I was some kind of prodigy and I knew exactly how this cruel world works thank you very much. I just shook my head as I typed those lines at my own ignorance.

Here is the thing: I have probably learned the biggest life lessons within the past 3-4 years. In high school the only thing I knew for sure was: how to brake the rules and make out...and only on some days how to dress myself. Some days.  I thought my best friends were for life and nothing could tear us apart. BFFs forevsssss!! FALSE. I thought I was going to be an actress on broadway. FALSE. I thought groceries can't possibly cost that much...right?! FALSE. I thought moving out on my own would be the coolest and every night would be like an awesome sleep over (watching ghost and eating cookie dough) FALSE. I thought I could pay for everything with my credit card. HA! DOUBLE FALSE! I thought I would marry my high school sweetheart...ok fine that ONE came true. It's like the allegory of the cave only you already think you are outside and enlightened when in fact you are still in the dungeon attempting to crawl your way out next to Charlie Sheen.

Na Na Na Na Na

So now a decade has passed (DAMN!) since I opened a locker with pictures of Will Smith getting jiggy with his bad self, and I am finally feeling like a certified-legit-1st grade-adult. That was until I got wind of our HS reunion and I went all "I'll be watching you" on everyone's ass and stalked facebook for at least 3 hours. I am not proud of it, but I have the balls to admit it.

Suddenly I was 17 again gossipping (with myself) about what this one and that one was doing.  So much for being a mature adult. Wait did I actually say mature? Lucky for me I have a partner in crime in my husband (sorry darling!) who jogs my memory on who John was (Ohhhh THAT douche!) or which Lauren was the one who played soccer. Just like google, you start with a very specific search on facebook and 30 clicks (and near vision loss from staring at the screen so intently) later you have no idea how you perused the walls of all the D-bags you wanted to punch in the face then. I guess I was just making sure...yup I still want to kick your ass.

Ok so how did I end up there? I decided to type in my high school name and class of 2001 since I saw something vague on the page of one of the few people I keep in touch with. The page was public and so was the list of all its members. Next thing I know I looked through the profiles of at least 75 people. Most of them were almost entirely public. One was better than the last and then EUREKA! I spotted the trend. Most of the people behind the 'organizing committee' (and I use this term QUITE loosely) were the ones who were incessantly tortured and were now much cooler than their former selves. No really, I am like cool now because I have muscles, and I got a super banging girl to date me and I got a pimping ride. So what that I still live with my moms, I gots a situation going on! Total and utter disturbia. But the most astonishing thing was that the more 'superior' D-bags were now in cahoots with the inferior ones! That's like high school blasphemy! The prom queen is squirming somewhere as she reads this unbearable thought. Actually a shout-out to our Prom Queen who is honorably serving this country! She was never mean, she never got fat and she is still as smoking and warm and beautiful as ever.

There are companies solely dedicated to organizing high school reunions. (Is it THAT serious? I ask) The demand for these services has grown dry since the emergence of facebook and its domination on our ability to find whomever we want whenever we want. Alumni offices are so 2000 and late. Any Joe-six pack can start a reunion page and put a deposit at a VFW.  And apparently he did. Ok wait...So you want me to PAY to see that you are actually in fact-not better than your former self AND are still a douche in all your glory!?! Ain't that some shit! But why when I can do that at my leisure in my underwear and greasy hair from the comfort of my own home?

Even though I really enjoyed (for the most part) my high school years, the best part about leaving was getting a clean slate. Its knowing that you don't have to think about the time you peed your pants in 3rd grade, or the absolutely lame rendition you did of Ace of Base's 'I saw the sign' at the  "talent-show", or remembering the awful date with Scott where he fell asleep right there in the movies and drooled on your shoulder. (All sad but true stories people.) You get to dictate how your new and improved life is going to go and WHAT you share with the new people you meet.

Real talk peeps: The truth is I have no desire to reconnect with any of the people who are organizing or attending this "EPIC" reunion. I absolutely didn't like you then and I certainly don't want to pretend to now. Showing up would be like my own Cee-lo tribute to my classmates. I know I am better than I was 10 years ago. I was an atari and now I am an x-box. I don't need the approval of John or Lauren.  I also don't feel the need or desire to tell Lisa (the slutty whore from last week's post) to go fuck herself to her face over some bullshit that happened OVER 10 years ago, because I just don't care enough to. UPDATE: Facebook confirmed she is still a skankasoreus.

Facebook makes it easy to find the chosen few we want to genuinely reconnect with.  I have done that and will continue to do so. I have grown up enough to finally realize how much we think those years matter when in fact they only matter if what comes afterwards (AKA your ACTUAL life) is totally lame. My semi-charmed kind of life may not have unfolded how I thought it would but it makes my years in high school look like a bad dry run. Nobody in my current life gives a shit that I was on prom court or helped to work on the float for homecoming. They don't care that I played Anne Frank's mom or that I sang about how "we go together like rama lama lama ke ding a de dinga a dong" (CRINGE!)

That time in my life is over and I am content with how I left it. Its fun to reminisce about old times with (actual) friends but not with people I barely knew then and don't care to get to know now. Who got fat, who lost weight, who finally settled down, who had a baby out of wedlock, who is GTLing and who isn't amounts to nothing in the end...But hey if you want to go and attend the reunion I still wish you the best with a... Fuck you.