The inspiration for this week's blog happened after witnessing a few disturbing exchanges between women... But before we get to that I am gonna take you back. Way back to 7th grade. I remember this day so vividly (mostly because of the trauma and embarrassment) that I could close my eyes and I would be right back in that moment. It was lunch time and I was about to enjoy a delicious pretzel and a raspberry snapple in the caf with my peeps when I see Lisa (I will refrain from providing a last name, but when you are a slutty whoare who needs one anyway?!) Bee-lining straight to me. In case you didn't get my not-so-subtle language we weren't besties. She stood in front of me and for a second I wished my xmas wish had come true and I had grown a few inches taller just like I'd asked. I thought she was going to take me out. "I would like to know why you are wearing the same shirt I am wearing?" I almost laughed in her face but refrained. "Um...because its from the gap and everyone shops there?" I offered hoping maybe to clear up confusion about Gap being some cosmic fashion destination nobody knew about. She told me if I ever wore the same thing she did I would be in 'serious trouble'. The entire scene is laughable now, but I steered clear of the gap for that entire season.
So now that I've exposed myself its time for some real talk ladies. Let's cut the shit. There has been a huge shift in how women treat each other in friendships and outside of them that has reached ridic levels of rivalry. In my day, while Lisa wasn't a friend, she came right up to me and confronted me. Those uncivilized days are over. We are above that now, and the new way to play the game is to one-up-each other on everything and create mind games that leave me wanting a mind-condom because all the mind-fucking is just unbearable! (Thank you Ronnie for the best quote of all time!)This behavior led to the creation of the word frienemy. You know them, they aren't really your friends...but not quite your enemy...more like a fierce competitor in a game called 'bitch I aint throwing in the towel'. I had a couple of frenemies when I was younger and it took me a long long time 1) to realize it 2) accept it and finally 3) deal with it.
As a society, americans are EXTREMELY competitive. But you didn't need me to tell you that when strokes and heart attacks are happening to people who are in decent shape younger in their life. Women get upset when we are viewed as catty, deceitful caniving and constantly in rivalry with each other. But ladies, this is our MO. Is she wearing that shirt from H&M again?! Oh your baby doesn't sleep through the night? Mine did. Oh my husband KNOWS better than to do that. Oh you are a stay at-home-mom...that must be nice. Wow that dress looks so good on you! (Thinking: you so don't deserve to have it AND you got it on sale? Fuckin bitch) So you actually took your entire maternity leave? Oh my god, you are getting way too skinny (I want you to feel bad about yourself so then we can be miserable together) YOU ALL KNOW exactly what I am talking about. One-up-manship has become such a ruthless sport that it has even sprawled its own olympic-like competition. Apparently the olympics are in session in a lot of female friendships. My conondrum is WHY?! I get why we do that with people that we are not really friendly with (co-workers, train riders, schoolmates, or that way too hot (for their own good) person at the gym)But what's the point among a trusted friend? Wait do I even trust them? Are they actually my friend? Is it me? Am I insecure? Is it them? Am I just looking for approval? Are they? So many questions, so many mind games and just not enough time.
Eventually I could no longer handle the competition and ceased friendships that in one case had been in place since middle school. It was difficult, but I came to realize you shouldn't be friends with someone who can't find happiness in your own and must top everything you do at all times. Duh! Sounds soooooo obvious doesn't it? But it starts in such subtle tiny ways that it is almost hard to detect until 1 day you wake up and say 'who does this bitch think she is'. The problem is a lot of us don't want to be the one who gets one-upped. So we roll up our sleeves and start the clock! And that's how we got to today.
As women don't we face enough competition in the workplace against women AND men? Isn't life hard enough? Time consumption was a huge factor in my decision to end my relationships with my frienemies. Mind games are very time consuming and require a lot of effort, unless of course you are Ben Linus. But we aren't all as skilled and eventually I just realized if I was trying to remember what mind game we play on tuesdays I wasn't cut out to participate.
We all know women don't dress for men, we dress for that 'oh my god where did you get that?' comment. But maybe its time to ponder a wardrobe change on our friendships. Take off the wigs, the make-up, the elaborate costumes and end the theater. This is real life and drama is bound to happen. But we might be better off improvising through the drama rather than constantly rehearsing for our toxic curtain call.
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