Say my name

Slim Shady

Juliet once quipped "What's in a name? That which we call a rose
By any other name would smell as sweet."  Well...I don't know sweet Juliet... would a middle aged and hairy man also named "Leonardo DiCaprio" give goose bumps to women everywhere as the movie star does?  Probably not.  Just ask the thousands of Jennifer Lopez' around the tri-state area who have to hear everyday that they don't have the (AHEM!) assets that Jenny from the block has....

"Sonny had 5 fingers but he only used three"

Some believe that our name gives people the first inkling of our personality.  Really?  Cause in that case I am a Spanish maid who doesn't speak ingles.  Or at least that's how I am portrayed in every movie.  How about the name Calogero? Do you expect a flash back to a Bronx Tale?  Wendy?  A trip to never never land?  Elvis?  Heart Break Hotel anyone? While I agree that our names (specially what we consider "ethnic" ones) do give people some insight into what we might be like, we are held hostage by our OWN associations of those names.  For example there are a few female names that remind me of ruthless high school bitches and when I hear them I cringe.  I have already made up my mind about what I am going to encounter when I meet them.  Happy to report most of the time I am wrong. Keyword: most

As someone who grew up with one of the worst names a child could ever be given (again hostage to my own associations) I can tell you that for years I felt like my name didn't do me justice.  I would do everything I could to spice it up.  I went through a phase in 5th grade of adding an "H" at the end so people would call me Mariah.  I also would change the pronunciation to sound like Daria.  Haha...good times that lasted for a week at most.
Then in high school a miracle happened... A sophomore asked me to borrow a pencil (oh my god I know!! I was so psyched he was even talking to me!) in class and when he asked my name he thought I said "Mia" and I did what any normal name hater would do: rolled with it. It became my nickname, and for some just my actual name because I never bothered to correct them.  Once high school ended it was hard to keep the nick name.  It seemed to have lost momentum...although a select few out there still do use it from time to time.  Not a day goes by though that someone doesn't sing "Maria" from west side story or asks me about "how to solve a problem" like myself...
Followed by "Has anyone ever sang that to you?" Nope never. Not once. I know it REALLY is hard to believe. (I can't help it! I have to have a little fun!)

Others believe our names can cause some serious psycholopgical consequences. If a name is difficult to pronounce or it rhymes with the word diarrhea (maria), the jeering from our peers can linger into adulthood. Those fucking kids are cruel!

It is true that we may need time to grow into our names. The moment I took my married name I finally felt like my name fit me. Well first and last that is. Middle I will despise for life!

Parents have much to ponder including some of the above when choosing the "perfect" name for their children.  To be fair, I do know some people with horrendous names who have made the most of them.  But how can you be certain a child will do that name justice?  You don't I guess but I've had my (non-existent) children's names picked out since I was 12.  I think they will hate them when they are young... and when they ask why I ruined their lives I will say "Tigers die and leave their skins; people die and leave their names."

They will thank me when they are older and wiser...just like their mother!

Here is a list of awesome songs that if had that been my name I would have been elated to have people sing to me:

1) Jesse's girl - Rick Springfield
2) Only the good die young (Virginia) - Billy Joel
3) Angie - Rolling Stones
4) Maggie May - Rod Stewart
5) Alison - Elvis Costello
6) Billie Jean - MJ
7) Dirty Diana - MJ
8) Cecilia - Simon & Garfunkel
9) Crackling Rosie - Neil Diamond
10) Delilah - Queen