Here's to the crazy ones

 It's gonna be the longest winter without you. I won't know where to turn to. See somehow I can't forget you, after all we've been through.... I had another blog almost completely finished for this week, but I couldn't NOT write about the man who single-handedly helped me personally develop and foster my love for music. This week we will briefly (because no post could ever do my admiration for Mr. Jobs justice) discuss the impact that his genius had on my life and the rest of the world.

Yea, this post is dedicated to all the teachers who told Steve Jobs he would never amount to nothing. And all the techies in the struggle. You know what I am saying. It's all good baby baby. It was all dream... Oh but what a great one it was. A teenager who decided his life path in the back of a garage. The only thing I ever did in a garage was...well let's not go there. After traveling through the path exactly as he wanted to, he excelled in his 56 years on earth in ways others could only imagine. Nope, not true. He was so sickeningly amazing people couldn't actually imagine it. But he did.The music library that currently resides in my pocket reminds me of the dark days of Cd's and how much I treasure the ability to retrieve any song within a few seconds. It also connects me to the man behind it all, and I feel sad at the thought of not getting to live through another one of his babies that would be the hottest gift for future Christmases. Standing in line for an apple product in the bitter cold morning hours of a black Friday will never be the same.

I have mentioned more than once how much my ipod means to me. I am currently on my 3rd one and even though it is on its last leg I can't seem to bring myself to get a new one. Actually Beatles songs sound so much better when they are skipping. No they don't. Steve just let a big "oh for the love of itunes, get a new one!" somewhere in software heaven. But like a perfectly worn in college t-shirt, or your favorite pair of socks, it has become a fiber of my personal fabric as a human being. My first ipod was the disarmingly cute pink metallic mini - first generation in 2002. Duh of course it was pink. Remember those bright neon commercials with the insane dancing?...Wow! Apple is talking to me!! This shit is Bananas B-A-N-A-N-A-S! Thanks Gwen now I always remember how to spell it. This campaign demonstrated marketing & advertising that was so purely delicious it made Don Draper and the crew shutter a bit. Suck it Ogilvy. As result of their success, the commercials put JET and The Ting Tings on the map. In my early days at the Gap we'd recreate the commercial in the store when the song came on...specially that cough at the beginning...Big black boots, long brown hair, she's so sweet with the get back stare... my old manager Brianna just shook her head in disapproval! I still stand behind the fact that the customers loved it. Interestingly enough, I was rewarded for my booty shaking as I won a store contest and got a gray mini. I was naive in those days and gave it to my boo. He still has it, but if this happened today I would just have 2 ipods, which to me, makes perfect sense.

My beauteous Pinkie and I lived through many adventures and heard amazing music together for the first time. I discovered The Doors, Dylan, Muddy Waters, and countless other legends as this god-like device helped me access music in a way I never could before. Me & Pinks tolerated Compact Discs as a means to build up our library but really we couldn't wait to be one with our songs and dump their pathetic asses. Eventually I outgrew the memory and upgraded to a classic in black. I held onto Pink for a year before I finally found a new home for it. 

I was too young to experience the Macintosh revolution of the 1980's, but I remember an entire lecture in my advertising class structured around Apple and it's infinite power to innovate. Correction: Steve Jobs' infinite power to innovate by making people do whatever it took to fulfill his vision, often exceeding even their own expectations. Prof. Lev, gave me the greatest gift in that 3 hour lecture any educator has ever given me: Foresight and inspiration. She told us any one of us could be titans in any industry we wanted. At first, I almost spit out my latte, because a quick glance around the room told me otherwise. First of all, it was a Saturday class at FIT, which meant you were either a first class nerd and the chance of missing a learning opportunity just because it was the weekend was unfathomable; or you were the bartender, waitress or stripper who was desperately trying to continue their education and this was the only time they could go (even though they slept through most of it)...and there was me: The miserable full time student who was never told the class was needed until the last semester and was already taking 5 evening classes after work....thanks FIT...you rule!!! It was highly unlikely that the 8 students in this pitiful class could be titans of anything other than mediocrity or perhaps stripping. (I swear that one girl was a stripper. I don't see justification otherwise to wear what she wore to a 1PM Saturday class, unless she was pulling a pussy double. Which hey...it is not for me to judge.) Prof. Lev saw the skepticism or actually lack of any relevant sign of life (except maybe my smirk at her comment) and she showed us the infamous 2005 SJ commencement speech. I think I held my breath during a few parts. I loved her enthusiasm in seeing our response and even Candy (I called her that in my mind because that seemed like an appropriate stripper name) perked up. Holy shit! I could be a titan!!! This is one of reasons I love that you, my dear reader, give me the chance to do this blog: I get to relive moments in my life that at first glance seem trivial or just fillers of time, but some, like this one, in fact have shaped my future and I didn't even know it! Prof. Lev told us that Steve didn't have to over pay for a fancy education because he had keen instincts. He knew his most effective weapon in the Jobs arsenal was his recognition of power in the unforeseen, beauty in the uninvented, need in the non-existent, and relentless affinity for absolute perfection no matter what it took. He also had that killer smirk, he knew he was onto something while the rest of us imbeciles where struggling to take in oxygen and walk at the same time.

Steve Jobs it turns out was a master at the same thing Missy Elliot mastered: Working it. He didn't invent actual products. He invented reinvention itself. He put his thing down flipped it and reversed it. The mac was a better PC, the ipod was a superior walkman, pixar was walt disney but on crack, and the iphone well, it left the rest of the phones looking like the ones that come with candy... including my beloved crackberry. Work it. I need a glass of water. Boy oh boy it's good to know ya. Steve Jobs said yes we can before Barack was a household name. He wasn't known for his people skills...My baby he don't talk sweet, he ain't got much to say. And maybe he don't dress fine, but I don't really mind... But his bed side manner and his choice of wardrobe were completely irrelevant when you witnessed the awe of his genius. He has inspired me and countless others to never apologize for the psychos we are and to dream ambitiously as if tomorrow might not come. He is right, it might not. He eloquently reminded us through his own struggle that our mortality can be a catalyst for achievement and accomplishment. As I would say no reason not to go balls out all the time. He will be remembered, in my opinion, above everything for changing the way we use technology in our lives, and for the tenacity it took to make us see just that. He was a dreamer of epic proportions who dreamt for all of us. Thank you Steve Jobs, you will be missed. Let's hear it for the boy.

JAM OF THE WEEK: Work it - Missy Elliot

As always keep it ferocious and fabulous!

Clarity

"One secret of success in life is for a man to be ready for his opportunity when it comes"

Opportunity sometimes stares us down begging to be taken advantage of and other times it simply passes us by in the blink of an eye. The hardest part about seizing opportunities is recognizing when the right time to step out of our comfort zone is, and then embracing it 100%. Recently I asked myself how am I supposed to know if this is what I am meant to go after? Is this the right time? Can someone give me a sign?! The truth is we don't really know.

 

The word opportunity inherently implies an advantage of some sort and it can happen on a first date (is this my chance to kiss her?), on the road while we drive (I better speed up now to get past this old lady) at the supermarket (well if it is cheaper to buy five I might as well grab it now while it is on sale) and the most important place: (at least to me) at work. Unlike the former examples where you can eventually kiss the girl (and liked it), pass miss daisy a couple of miles later, and go back to the super market for more tooth brushes if you run out, opportunity at the workplace may seem hard to come by and with finality in our mind we act cray. What if I don't get an opportunity like this again? What if this is it?!

Let's go back about two months ago. There I was...going about my life (shots shots shots shots....e'rday I am shuffling... Oh sorry I enjoyed the summer wayyy too much) when a work opportunity seemed to materialize out of nothing right before my eyes. My first reaction, as I believe it is for most people, was fear. I worry, I weigh three times my body I worry, I throw my fear around....I don't know....if I am ready to go down that road, do I really want to rock the boat right now? The first thing I did was make a list of why I shouldn't go after this opportunity. Assessing all of the things I would lose. Do I sail through? Or drop my anchor down? Then I went thru what I call the counseling period. I went to those I trust and asked for advice and opinions. Of course I had no intention of listening to any of it, because deep in my gut I already knew what to do...it just hadn't made its way up to my brain yet. I wrestled with my thoughts for about 3 days and in a split second a moment of clarity came to me. There's a calm I can't explain...by the time I recognize this moment...this moment will be gone...Why NOT do it?
 


Phew! At least I don't sweat as much as that grease monkey Maria

Before I knew it that moment of clarity set a whole chain of events in motion. Difficult and awkward conversations had to be had "it's not you it is me"...I know I have what it takes to do this....and within a week, I was sitting in front of opportunity in the form of a beautiful, powerful and fashionable female. This is it I thought. Again always with that feeling of finality that plagues me constantly. It's always 'enjoy today because you don't know what tomorrow will bring'. Well how can I do that if we are constantly told there might not be a tomorrow. I felt like a whore in church, sweating uncontrollably...down my spine under my spanx one drop at a time. Awesomeness. I was praying to the sweet baby Jesus for my t-zone to stay oil free. Remember don't use your hands too much. Is that her real hair color or are those artfully deceiving well placed highlights? FOCUS. And so it began...my chance to square off with opportunity. Turns out in that hour I learned one of the biggest lessons of my entire life and I want to share it with you.

In school we got progress reports sent to our parents. I don't know about you but mine always went a little something like this: Talks to much in class. My stupid mouth has gotten me in trouble Yup, that about sums it up. At work we have reviews. For some of us, those reviews impact our bonus which we tend to virtually spend before we EVEN know how much we are getting. My favorite time of the year only slightly behind black friday. Momma needs a new pair of TB flats! In life we just get thrown in without any periodic guidance. Cause I wonder sometimes about the outcome of a still verdict less life....Am I living it right?! Should I marry this person?! Give it a try see how it goes! Should I do drugs? Eh why not! Should I join the military? Sure what's the worst that can happen? How come we don't get life touch bases? Life reviews? Progress Reports? How are we supposed to know if we are on right track or the wrong one? How can we be absolutely sure that the decisions we make are the right ones?! After all living the most fruitful life with the least strife is our bonus in life right? The answer may surprise you: John Mayer songs Opportunity.

Yes peeps, opportunity is our compass when navigating through the yes, hell no's and maybe's of life. Unfortunately we are conditioned to think that an opportunity always leads to a positive (mostly tangible) outcome. Case in point I thought this was a good opportunity because it would lead to a new and better job. Reality check: 5 minutes into hearing about the position I knew with definitive certainty that while I was a perfect fit for the job, it wasn't a perfect fit for me. This opportunity showed me and reinforced that I am on the right yellow brick road. EUREKA! Opportunities come along not only to help us transition into new chapters but also to help us steer through the ones we are on, giving us a green light when it is time for the next one, or a red light when our work is not quite complete. Losing a job is an opportunity. Getting a divorce is an opportunity. Ending friendships with people who aren't who we thought they were; and mid-life crisis are all markers that we weren't with the people we should be with or doing what we are meant to be doing. Opportunity gets so frustrated with our relentless fear of change, eventually takes matters into its own hands and literally throws us off the path. We have a tough time seeing those events as opportunities because our connotation has always been positive.


 It is a skill to see the potential learning experience when things don't go our way. We get so hung up on the outcome that we don't realize the actual process is what keeps us moving forward. How are you supposed to know where you belong? My answer: When you have been to places, as I have, where you clearly do NOT belong. This technique may not be the fastest, or most efficient but it is opportunity that makes it easier to identify when you have arrived to your true destination.
   

JAM OF THE WEEK: Clarity - John Mayer

As always keep it ferocious and fabulous!

UEEEEEEEEEPAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hola Amigos!!! So it is Hispanic Heritage Month. Oh you didn't know?! I guess I am not THAT surprised...Black History Month always overshadows us. Whatevs MLK we had a dream too! (Oh no she didn't!) Perhaps you didn't know it because unlike other heritage months it starts September 15 and ends October 15. Now I know what you gonna say...why do the Latinos always gots to stand out? They are so loud and passionate about even the tiniest things...to you I say...we are beautiful no matter what they say. Words won't bring us down. Preach x-tina my half Ecuadorian sister. Well for once, it wasn't the Lats. In fact it was two gringos by the name of Lyndon Johnson and Ronald Reagan. Oh yes I know this dude!! He invented some kind of economics or something right?! CRINGE! That is an actual excerpt from one of my classes, welcome to CUNY! They chose September 15th because it was the ID4 of 5 Latin American countries. Guanacos HOLLAAAA!!! (thank you Ingrid I took that right from your fb page!!) A couple other countries follow celebrating their independence in the subsequent days.  I heard about this on the radio and thought we could talk about some Hispanic music that doesn't involve J.Lo or Pitbull! Say what?! Oye now we really going rogue. DALE!!!

There have been many contributions to music by Hispanics, whether in the domestic or international markets. Some undoubtedly have made more of a dent than others who simply happened to be at the right place and in the wrong sexuality. Yea Ricky Martin I am talking to you!! I debated with myself for about 5 minutes on whether to include Ricky or not. I harbor deep deep dislike for his music and the debacle that was (upside inside out living) the vida loca which we came to find out it was a big ball of shitters. I was too young for Menudo and never found him to be attractive. To add insult to injury to the second worst song (we will talk about #1) ever recorded by a Hispanic, Ricky came out with the gem Maria Maria. Ah but of course he did... It gave the blanquitos a chance to freshen up on their Spanish counting... un... dos... tres... and falsely gave Maria's everywhere hope of one day bagging the biggest Latin pop star at the time. Rickylicious would plead: Maria I want to make you mine. Sorry boo ain't gonna happen...I am onto your game! (And I was 9 years old - creeeepy) In 1995 this song helped him move away from the stuffy ballads that had become his trademark and he instead transitioned into over gyrating of his hips and god knows how many shoulder shimmies. Maria Maria went to #1 in most of Europe and even made a very brief appearance on the billboard top 100. It was so brief you probably missed it. Sweet Enrique was responsible for radio stations playing la vida loca every 5 minutes and for the most embarrassing Asian expat America has ever seen: William Hung SHE BANGS SHE BANGS... Augh I can't do it!! Can't talk about it, I might just hurl. As we look back on Ricky's career after it is all said and done he managed to salsa and UEPA his way into the hearts of fans who would end up buying 60 million of his records. Don't get me wrong he seems like a nice guy, and if I was recruiting for a cool gay friend and NPH wasn't available I'd go with RM. But music wise, I am not deleting any songs on my ipod to make room for his. We all know he opened the doors for J.Lo, Enrique Iglesias and Shakira. I guess what I am really trying to say is that he essentially owes his fame to Maria. Asi es Maria, tan caliente y fria. Que si te la bebes de seguro te va a matar. True story peeps.

I never forgot what I heard a fellow paisan say when I was younger...the rhythym is gonna get you. Ahhh yes Gloria. It sure will. Unlike Ricky, Gloria wanted to help the Hispanics with their counting... one two three four common baby say you love me...five six seven times, eight nine ten eleven...I am just gonna keep on counting till another Hispanic gets here....till you are mine. For at least a decade no wedding was safe from the Conga. Don't you fight it, you gotta do the conga beat. I played that song about 10 times just to write the 3 sentences before this one. Research is mad rough. (You know I was in my underpants dancing like a lunatic in my kitchen. Don't be jelly.) I was a big fan of Gloria and the Miami Sound Machine. Mostly because you could clearly tell she was speaking from experience when she asked Doc doc doc doctor beat for help. I too have a fever I can't control and music makes me move my soul. Won't you help me Dr. Beat? LOVESSS. Her 80's hit, Bad Boy was reinvented by Puffy and Mase in 1997 proving that after a decade Gloria's music was still relevant. Before there was Ricky or Pit...Gloria was showing 'em how to do it in the 305.

There is a throwback joint from a one hit wonder that I absolutely love. The singer is kind of cute (in a non-threatening MS-13 kind of way), and when his song makes it into my hodgepodge of a shuffle I perk up. I sometimes randomly think about it when I am walking and hum it to myself.  I don't know what to do...I think I am in love...baby...Amor no es amor... that's right I am talking about Frankie J. Wait WHO?!?! Every true Spanish music lover's worst night mare. Ha, I remember one of my babe's friends saying "that crap isn't real Spanish music!" You are right friend it is not. I can't say that I really like listening to full blown Spanish music. Sorry Vicki, but the mega is not in my omega, and I don't know who India is. It is difficult for me to enjoy salsa, bachata and merengue because they seem too refined for my jersey turnpike. I like songs that are closer to dance pop because my ass is at its happiest when it is shaking uncontrollably. Intricate feet movements aren't as alluring to me as a grind or a booty pop and lock. Keeping it 100. Enter C&C music factory. Churning out hit after hit in dance, hip hop and latin music, they became the soundtrack to my sick running man moves in middle school and high school. Their masterfully mixed dance tunes could hardly be classified as a single genre. The song Latino Remix is the best representation of this concept. It starts more as a dance tune with a salsa vibe then transitions with the classic percussion instrument sounds. You can do a fancy salsa step or an insane booty pop. I enjoy a little creative freedom in my dance allowances within a song. Fuego fuego llame a los bomberos.

We can't talk about Spanish music without talking about Bidi Bidi Bom Bom Selena. We've all seen J.Lo bring to life one of the most charismatic and lovable women in music. I actually did not know who Selena was when she died (or her music for that matter), but I remember what a big deal it was. The video footage of the tejano singer around her family that the news kept on a constant repeat cycle, made me love her. The actual music made me love her more. The fact that she died so young and tragically was sad. Even sadder what a great success her cross album would have been...would Ricky and J.Lo still exist? Brace yourself we are about to get deep up in this piece...Dreaming of you, was a beautiful song that I loved to listen to before I fell asleep when I was younger. But of course I could only enjoy it up until 2 minutes and 45 seconds, because after that her love tells her he loves her too. I had no such love to speak of unless you count Mr. Lecci my INSANELY hot social studies teacher in 8th grade. (Ryan knows the deelio) Wait did he teach social studies? Who can actually remember?! When I met my better half I instantly understood the song. And I still can't believe that you came up to me and said... I love you. I realized what a masterful story teller Selena was with her voice and her lyrics. Okay if you haven't killed yourself we will move onto the disastrous hispanic contributions. Sorry but...you knew they were coming.

Where there is black there is white. Where there is oil there is vinegar and where there is arroz there is pollo...?!? oh wait...what's that?!.. they don't say that?! Unfortunately not all music is good music. They can't all be like Santana!!! Sometimes the bad and ugly seep in and as gluttons for punishment, we make those songs into dance crazes!! The lambada had nothing to do with spanish peeps. Next time someone asks you about the lambada (and you know it could be any day now!) you can drop some knowledge on 'em and point out that in fact that is a Brazilian song. We can't blame Giselle for the macarena. At this point in the post I would normally define the word macarena for you but since nobody REALLY seems to know its meaning (in the context of this song) we will skip that part. Then I would break down the song and tell you the interesting and meaningful parts, but since there are none we will skip that too. For the love of Daisy Fuentes what else is there?!? Oh yea, the video starring the RuPaul/Dennis Rodman look alike and the two old pervs. I vaguely remembered this video, but for you my reader I revisited it. The stench of utter disturbia still lingers in my nostrils. I am above all confused that such an offensively simple video has had a bajillion hits. First of all, what are those two dinosaurs doing in it other than waiting to die?!? Second, why is their dancing so atrocious? I understand you are from Spain but Dios mio what are those epileptic moves you are trying to pass off as dancing? Third, you aren't fooling anyone with your "look at us we love all ethnicities, there is an asian chick, a black chick, a white chick and an indian chick." Bitch please I saw the same hoes in the R. Kelly video. Why don't you settle down on ethnic diversity and maybe hmmm... I don't know add some diversity to the 16 bars you keep singing over and over. It was an embarrassing moment not just for Hispanics but for all global citizens who actually took part in this clusterfuck of ridicness. Phew! I've been waiting so long to get that off my chest! Let's hope history never repeats itself!

There have been, are and will be many Hispanics who create amazeballs music that will always be near and dear to our hearts. I have barely scratched the surface with the examples above, but these are the most memorable as they pertain to my life. Some play the race card forcefully, while others don't even mention it AHEM! Sammy Davis Jr. (Yup look it up!) Of course they should all be proud of their heritage, but I wish that we would let the music speak for itself and enjoy it for what it is instead of incessantly categorizing artists. Christina Aguilera is an incredible vocalist. Sure she's a little skanky poo but I don't let that OR the fact that she is half Ecuadorian influence my opinion of her music. Us Ecuadorians have to stick together right Brianna?! Well maybe be so in real life, but in the world of notes, bars, keys, and stories the only thing that matters is how I feel after I listen and absorb it all. That's what a girl wants....right x-tina? So in celebration of Hispanic Heritage month, I encourage all of you to visit your neighborhood bodega, eat some paella, hug a latino, listen to Gloria or make an outrageous comment about someone's heritage (WAIT YOU ARE DOMINICAN?!? HOW CAN THAT BE WHEN YOU ARE SOOOOO WHITE!??! Some where Caroline just chuckled!) trust me: they are used to it and secretly enjoy it. Excuse me while I go UEPA for no reason!!! Good to be back PEEPSSSSSSSSSS!

JAM OF THE WEEK: Dr. Beat - Miami Sound Machine

As always keep it ferocious and fabulous!

Watch the Throne

The Hermes of verses and Mr. I invented Swag released their much anticipated collabo Watch the Throne a couple of weeks ago and it has a lot of peeps talking. If you are reading this post and are confused by those nicknames, of course I am referring to two of Hip Hop's biggest monsters today: Kanye West & Jay-Z. In this week's post we talk about my thoughts on the legendary rappers; how I think their new joint measured up, and what's up with all this criticism?! Are haters always gonna hate?

If you know me, then you already know I am a ginormous Jay-Z fan. The idea for this little blog that could began with him. I am very inspired by his story, his resilience and his cockiness...that we are not worthy of his presence. Truth. His success in business, music, fame, notoriety and respect among the hood and the country club types is unparalleled. Proof. Kanye West is a total deuchington but his brilliance as a rapper goes beyond a sharp tongue, and perfectly engineered songs with catchy (and sometimes) controversial hooks. Chuck D of N.W.A. once said that "hip hop music is the black CNN"  I appreciate the raw honesty about our culture, specifically the African American sector of it that rap & hip hop bring to the forefront. While I may have my reservations to truly say I like KW as a person, he has delivered music that has not only perfectly captured the social commentary of the black community but also challenged the limits of music and how it can be made.

"Otis" one of the best songs on the album, was leaked about a month and a half ago and it was well received by this MC. The song is classic Kanye style: let's take an old song by another legend, sample it, make a sick beat, and rap about how much better than everyone else we are. Result = insane levels of epic balls! Another notch on the belt and the fans eat it up! Or do they? Regardless of how high haterade consumption is, I say if Funkmaster Flex is playing it on HOT 97 & DJ Clue is playing it on 105.1 every half hour, that shiz is going platinum. Believe dat. Similar to Gold Digger which samples a Ray Charles song, Otis Redding's soft vocals introduce the song slowly, at which point Jay comes on asking It sounds so soulful don't you agree? Sure do Jigga Man, at least it is the real thing not Jamie Foxx. <<Okay let's have some real talk for a hot minute: that Mr. Jamie Foxx always surprises me!! He is like the male JLo: movies, music, dancing, instruments...wait a minute do I HEART JF?? I am drinking some wine as I write this so blame it on the a-a-a-alcohol...feeling on your butt what...ahh love that song, but I've digressed.>> And then the song dives into slick rhymes by the ambigous duo taking turns claiming they looking so fresh gotta call the paparazzi on they self, and don't get confused 'Ye was seen in his other OTHER Benz. Get it right. Maybe I am slightly biased toward this song because this was the first track off the album I heard, maybe it's because Try a little tenderness has always had a special place in my heart, or maybe it's because the song is just fuckin good. This is what Kanye does best, he takes what society deems as the has-beens of music and finds a way to make it relevant and fresh in a way nobody saw coming. He has a good ear and the vision to perfectly merge black and white, oil and vinegar, old and new and anything else you thought couldn't be mixed. I made Jesus Walks so I am never going to hell Who in this day and age makes an amazeballs rap song about Jesus that also plays in da club, on radios, at house parties and the ipods of millions who are not even religious? Why Kanye does boo. Recognize fool.

Niggas in Paris (actual title - don't get offended) is the second best song on the album. The immediate connection to a song's beat is what sells me on it. The deciding factor between an average song and a great one is the lyrics. There is a lot going on in this song underneath the bounce-friendly beat and offensive title. Wait...? Why is it offensive? Niggas can go to Paris can't they? (Calm down it's just a blog) Actually the pimp team of the cent recorded some of the album in Paris while holed up in hotel rooms. Sounds like it was super rough. What do you mean you don't have escargot? This album, but specifically this song explores the idea that these two prominent black men with extreme talent, money and fame are still not accepted as such by our society. This is their music testimony that they indeed deserve their status and more. Ball so hard I'm shocked too, I'm supposed to be locked up too. If you escape what I've escaped, you'd be in Paris getting fucked up too. I dare you my dear reader to listen to this song and not want to do some outrageous dance to it. Outrageous is left up to you to interpret. 'Ye-Z take turns telling us about la vie en rose in Paris, and then halfway thru the song the music ends and we hear dialogue from Blades of Glory (never seen it) I recognized Will Ferrell's voice but not the lines. The snippet truly made me chuckle it is both unexpected and completely appropriate. Then we go back to team swagaroo and the song concludes with a reminder that you are now watching the throne and don't let Kanye get into his zone. Song of the year.

No church in the wild is the third standout song where Kanye compares himself to Jesus. If you're a 'Ye fan this comes as no surprise, standard Kanyeness here. We formed a new religion, no sins as long as there is permission, and deception is the only felony. So never fuck nobody without telling me. Hov also reinforces this notion by reminding us Jesus was a carpenter, Yeezy, laid beats Hova flow the Holy Ghost, get the hell up out your seats. Preach. Clearly that's exactly the same. Thanks for clarifying Hov. Frank Ocean is featured in this song as well as in the melancholy Made in America. Here we thank the sweet baby Jesus and rejoice that we made it in America. While it is not a dancing joint, it is another lyrical testament of how far these two have come before they ruled the world, while shouting out Brother Martin & Malcom and don't forget the sweet baby Jesus is mentioned 20 times. I like the tenderness behind this song, Frank Ocean brings that, but in the song a New Day we get that from the illest motherfucker alive himself. The song is a foreshadowing of their surprising advice to their future sons, produced by the Rza from Wu-Tang.  Kanye starts with and I'll never let my son have an ego, I mean I might make him be republican so everyone know he love white people. I just want him to have an easy life...not the Yeezy life. Love, love LOVE the GWB/Katrina incident thrown in there in reverse. Jay summarizes the entire song with Sorry Junior I already ruined you. Sins of a father makes your life 10 times harder. Touching...to think they don't want their unborn sons to take after them. Do any of us? Really good stuff folks.  Me and the Rza connect.

So what are all these panties in a bunch for? Critics are coming down hard on Hip Hop's Bad Boys for their lack of tact during tough financial times. Watch the Throne was released on the day the Dow saw its worse drop in 2 years (over 600 points). Lyrics like what's 50 grand to a motha fucker like me? Can you please remind me? have people fired up. Look it...nobody was more upset than yours truly when I saw my stock loose $20 per share in a single hour that day. But to say that dropping an album all about how much better the rap royals are than the rest of us is insensitive, seems a little like saying I have emotional scarring from the earth quake. A bit dramatic? Yes. Completely far-fetched? You betcha. Yes I understand there are still a lot of people out there who are just getting by...but I think aspirational music is important. Jay-Z doesn't glorify money, yachts, Louie boat shoes, big face rollies or his 5 passports. No friends, his message is simpler than that: work hard, achieve success, and then you too can be a nigga in Paris or St. Tropez or anywhere that isn't the craptastic place you live. I don't want to listen to a rap song about the average life because I live that life. I want to vicariously live the life of gold models, sold models (bitch behave just might let you meet 'Ye..)  So to the haters I say, that this type of music if anything, inspires while it entertains. We shoud not blame anyone else for our personal finances. If you are a mediocre member of society, you will continue to be one regardless of what Chi town & Hov do or don't do. Plus what else are they supposed to rap about? This is their actual lifestyle, they really do ball that hard.

I can sit here all day and tell you all the reasons why you should be listening to the album. But instead, I recommend you watch a mini-documentary (11 minutes...common peepos I know you got the time! Click on the link below) about the making of this masterpiece. The best part is seeing an up and coming KW in 2002 telling the camera to watch out because he is about to take music to the next level. Doctors say I am illest because I suffer from realness. And he did. They did. It aint safe in the city...watch the throne. That shit cray.

Watch the Throne documentary link

JAM OF THE WEEK: Niggas in Paris AND THE ENTIRE CD!

As always keep it ferocious and fabulous!

It's Britney Bitch!

 I heard my beloved Brit Brit was coming to Nassau Coliseum and I was thinking about going to see her in concert. I haven't seen Ms. Spears since way before I was legal, but unfortunately I couldn't fit it in to my schedule. So instead I thought I'd write about my faves pop artist, get in the zone, make some outrageous claims (so unthinkable a few of you might be mad) AND have some fun while we do it. So all my people in the crowd, grab a partner and take it down.

Oh Britney. You came into our lives like a hurricane, wearing a school girl uniform and confessing to us that your loneliness was killing you. You asked for a sign.  And boy did we give it to you. Those were the days of TRL and an explosion of pop like the music industry had not experienced in a very long time. Now into her third decade of making music (that is just unbelievable) Britney Spears is still on top and showing that a little "crazy" and a good producer talent can keep you on top. Take notes Madge because it's Britney Bitch.

 

When I saw the baby one more time video, I couldn't help but to think...Why haven't I thought to wear just my sports bra to school? Ohhh...that's right I don't have the abs for it  I am shy. Damn it! Britney was geniusly marketed as the pretty but accessible girl next door. If you remember it was a sports bra and sweat pants she wore in that video, along with the school girl uniform (her idea after rejecting a suggestion to do an "animated" video. GOOD CALL BRITTERS!!) Equal opportunity for young high school boys AND older skeevy men. She can get down just like the rest of you! Was she born to make us happy?

NOTHING bothers me more than artists being compared to Madonna. Let me take you back for hot minute...before I explain this statement. Remember the first ipod? I do. It skipped, got stuck, was a black and white screen, had limited space and if the battery died you were SOL. Remember the first tampon? I do. Non-discreet and made out of cardboard. Remember Lasik eye surgery when it first came out? You probably don't because if you had it, you probably had a heart attack at the thought of your cornea being sliced with a blade. Remember the first computer? DOS. Ew. Remember the first Zack Morris style mobile phone? The antenna alone was the length of 3 blackberries today. Nobody ever says well the original was better because it came out first. NOBODY. I am glad that my ipod is in color now and I can play any of the 7,000 songs I have. I am thankful to the sweet baby jesus someone thought of using plastic at playtex. I hated that disgusting slow compaq computer I was forced to be grateful for having. Dial-up aged me by like three years. My crackberry is my life and I wouldn't go back to that beast of a phone even if Zack came with it. So why is this concept different for Britney Spears when history tells us reinvention is the lifeline of music. Yes Madonna is, was, always will be an icon and YES she is amazeballs. But the music of today is sooo different than that at the peak in Madge's career. Our expectations are different, marketing and media play a bigger part and to make these comparisons seems a bit antiquated. So here it is: I am ready to finally say that Britney has surpassed Madonna and is in fact a better artist. OH NO SHE DIDN'T!!! Sure I did bitches. Will you hold it against me?

There's only 2 types of people in the world. The ones that entertain and the ones that observe. I guess we know which one Britney is, her worth is an estimated $155M... mucho dinero (this is also my favorite essie color right now) indeed. She took center stage during the revival of teen pop in the late 90's. She perfected her image while growing up on the mickey mouse club (awww isn't that precious, you totally know her and Justin were making out backstage!!) and in 1999 she released the monster of an album Baby One More Time. I remember how furious I was that Mother's Music in Patchogue had sold out of it. So I was forced to go to the Wiz. Before there was best buy, nobody beat the wiz! (Actually the wiz still exists...I know! I thought I went to a fugazy website at first...but it is legit: thewiz.com) I still know the words to every song on that CD because I played it endlessly!! Baby One More Time remains the ultimate pop song because 12 years later we still love the pleasing melody, the easy tone of britney's voice and more importantly it represents a specific place and time for each and every one of us. There is a great song on this album that never saw the light of radio: Soda Pop. I wouldn't say it is a reggae song, but it certainly has a fun reggae vibe that is just so different than the rest of the album and anything else Britters has done since. During the bridge she really stretches those vocal chords also something we don't normally hear from her. She is actually singing. Sayyy whats?!

Since 1999 my little bevos (new word alert!) has turned into a bonafide money making machine: 7 studio albums; she was the first female to have 6 of them debut at the #1 spot. (It earned her a spot in the guinnes book of world records) Lucrative endorsement deals with pepsi and candie's, 2 books, tours that generate millions in profits, a movie...(Common you know you watched it...and wondered why Dan Akroid would EVER agree to be in it! ANSWER: It made $47M!), a reality show (yo don't play that homie you know you watched that too!) fragrance deals, phone and ipad apps, 21 Top 40 hits, and the undisputable power to sell thru more magazines than brangelina. Nobody cares about adopted kids. Real talk. They care about bald and beautiful Britney beating the shit out of the paparazzi with an umbrella. I swear to god I contemplated the shaved head look when Britney did it. Then I remembered I didn't have a sick body to distract people with!

 Okay so my Brit Brit doesn't use music as a vehicle to express social issues, or any vehicle for that matter ala Madonna with Papa Don't Preach. She uses technology to enhance her tracks and creates her own brand of "Britbot", not a robot but a britney-esque robot! But just like beef jerky she is american made, (we love it even though sometimes it is kind of gross and leaves a bad taste in our mouths) and we are proud!!! At least she doesn't act like she is embarrassed to be an american by manufacturing some ridiculous fake half british accent (yea I am talking to you Madonna) and living in the english country side because you know America is just so lame. Brit put out one of her best albums at a time when her personal life was in shambles. Following her signature formula of club pop tracks laced with clever (all of the boys and all of the girls are begging to if you seek amy...common that's fuckin brilliant) catchy melodies as addicting as heroin, she delivered amazing music. She then released 2 more albums and showed Katy, Ke$ha and RiRi that this is her playground and she ALLOWS them go on the monkey bars. You want a piece of me?

 

We love Britney Spears because she gives us exactly what we want. Sorry peeps, I am a very socially conscious individual but I am not looking for a Sudan update when I hear a Britney song! I want to escape, I want to be distracted while I do heinous house chores (aughhhhhh always the damn dishes...) I want a sick beat to shake to while at a red light, out at a bar with friends, at the gym, while I am tanning (I love to dance in the stand-up booth! It's awesomeness!) Ms. American dream since she was 17 represents that place we go to when we want to zone out. Obviously for me I need music in this place. I can be lost in music endlessly for hours. And dancing to Britney music for days if I knew the old ball and chain wasn't gonna come home to ruin it. Do I pretend I am Britters circa 2000 in the oops I did it again video? Sure I do. Do I immitate her deathly precise dance moves? Sure I do, but I am better at the infamous MTV performance routine for Gimme More. The one where she looked completely drunk and uncoordinated? Yes that's the one. I add in my secret move: the running man and it makes for an epic way to use my kitchen floor! I just read in US weekly that Brit doesn't like to bathe for days, cuts the cheese, goes digging for gold (oh my god that Britney's shameless), demands only MJ be played in her dressing room and loves to eat junk food. BRITTERS we got more in common than you think girl... CALL ME!!! When was the last time you heard a Madonna song on the radio? AND Not from 2 decades ago? Exactly....Femme Fatale has surpassed every expectation I had and proves that Britney is still and will be for years to come a force to be reckoned with. Gimme gimme more Britney...

JAM OF THE WEEK: Soda Pop (Baby one more time), Shattered Glass (Circus)

As always keep it ferocious and fabulous!