When I'm alone in my room sometimes I stare at the wall and in the back of my mind I hear my conscience call...I see I need love. So many people share that sentiment LL (insert lip licking...one more just for good measure) Who could forget our Commander and Chief singing the beloved Al Green classic Let's stay together during a fundraiser a few weeks ago? That's Reverend Green to you bitches! I know I couldn't!! I even blushed a little when I told a friend about it at work!! It was super hot and for all who think the President isn't black enough (yea peeps STILL be saying that) I say why don't you ask former Speaker Newt to sing you some 70's soul. Good luck with that hideous sight. (By the way have you noticed how suddenly everything from insurance to potato chip commercials are using the song?) Even Barry knows the importance a sense of romanticism through the use of music plays in our lives. So in honor of the big V day (not that V you filthy animals!! Jesus this is a legit blog. Ha! Bitch please!) I thought a little romance was in order with of course a little
Romance runs the gamut when it comes to its meaning, which makes sense since we all interpret it differently. Some would say watching football with their man is romantic. I just threw up all my over myself. That's pathetic. But hey I have only been happily married for almost a decade and have an amazing relationship, but what the effers do I know? Others would say that ONLY elaborate gestures are true romance. I didn't think it was possible but...that's more pathetic than the football. And just to clarify I HEART sports (just not football) and have a grand ol' time going to a tennis match or a yankee game with my boo but I don't classify those outings as romance. For decades we have seen romance play out in hollywood movies in situations that seem to be light years away from real life. In lieu of those grandiose unrealistic moments that don't actually materialize, women settle by forcing regular interaction into the romance category. Real talk. Ladies, mah women, we don't need to pretend a touch down is romantic and we don't need to recreate a Meg Ryan romcom to experience true romance. Remember Sleepless in Seattle?! I heard you on the radio, I love you, let's meet at the Empire State Building. Then years later it was draw me in the nude and I'll never let go Jack. Of course, nobody anticipated how ridic it could REALLY get with Bella and Edward and suddenly the Empire State and a sinking ship (specially after the Italy sitch) seemed more possible than a vampire. In a nation where 2 out of 3 men get down on one knee to propose the only question left to ask is...what the fuck is the third guy thinking?! Unless you are a legit invalid - there is no reason why a man can't take a knee while asking. You do it for your football coach but ya can't do it for your lady?! SERIOUSLY?! Unacceptable. A diamond ring is like kryptonite to women, they will pretty much say yes to anything as long as a sparkler is involved. I have seen many of my friends date (and continue to date) these douchingtons, or as we will describe here as #3. THAT GUY. The moron who won't get on one knee, and makes it that much harder for guy #1 & #2 who are putting forth a genuine effort. And you better believe romance takes work! Did you know that when you french kiss someone you use 34 facials muscles?! How many are there in total?! If Dino is right and you are nobody till somebody loves you then boy are we in trouble!! But really 34...?!
Now just because I don't expect an impromptu pottery class waiting for me when I get home from work, doesn't mean I don't enjoy some cliche romantic moments. We all do. Romcoms are female porn: Kevin Costner embracing Whitney after she runs off the plane (Iffff...Iiiiiii....shoulda stayed...), Heath Ledger singing Can't Take My Eyes Off of You in the bleachers, Adam Sandler on a plane asking via song to grow old together, but today on Valentine's day...(actually any or everyday) I really want to come home to a man (preferably my boo but NOT required) holding a boom box playing In Your Eyes. Honestly, since the times have changed I would even accept an I-phone. So what do all these moments have in common? For me they are my faves because music is involved. Unless you are a psycho like mahself who matches potential situations into entire playlists (I wish I kidding), a Say Anything moment may not always be possible. <Gently weeping> Hit it Old Blue Eyes: I know that music leads the way to romance. I concur.
So let's talk more everyday sensible romance. Aside from being kicked in the balls, the one thing that really REALLY frightens men (even the ones who are in relationships) is hearing "I want more Romance" What the hell does that mean? Peens if you want the ladies to drop it like it's hot you better listen up! Women need romance. There is no way around it. I believe there are three types of everyday romance gents. The first is the what have you done for me lately? type. Ms. Jackson (if you're nasty) tells us for this type of romantic connoisseur neglect is on their mind. Arrogant, and delusional in thinking he is god's gift to this earth, he tries to mascarade his own desires as romantic gestures. My name ain't Keith but I see the way you sweat me. Bitch please. Any statement that starts with "I want to do..." and ends in "wouldn't that be romantic..?" is the polar opposite of romantic. He doesn't do PDA and when you walk together he wants to keep a safe 3 feet distance, just in case an upgrade walks by. Wouldn't want them getting the wrong idea! And god forbid he compliments you EVER. So how can this be a romantic type you ask? Good question smarty pants! Beats me! But apparently 1/3 of women have dated or are currently dating a douche bag such as this type (Cosmo told me that while I was getting my feet did) Caught in a bad romance. Fo reals.
The second type is the love machine (and not the way The Miracles intended it to mean) or more commonly known by my brain as the Casey effect. I have never been an avid Bachelor fan, but I had the unfortunate opporunity to watch it when Ali was looking for love and Casey the psychopath was one of her suitors. The Casey is the bug-a-boo type who is constantly scheming ways to outdo his previous romantic endeavors instead of just being himself. He is the tard who goes and gets a tattoo on a two-week anniversary. I don't know much but I know I love you. And that may be all I need to know. And that's the problem with the Casey, he doesn't know much. In fact he doesn't know anything at all! Not even if he actually knows you well enough to love you because he is too busy googling most romantic moments of all time. Barf. That's not real romance! Don't know much about history, don't know much biology. But I do know that I love you. But Casey never gives up, because he thinks this is what fems want. Ali passed and so will we. Tell me how am I supposed to breathe with no air...oh Casey give it a rest!
The third romance gent is the you look wonderful tonight type. This is one of my all-time favorite romantic songs, not just because it was the one that Chandler chose to propose to Monica with (I miss that show so much), but because it describes a couple living in everyday life. This type of gent may not have 1-800-flowers on speed dial but he knows how to capitalize on everyday moments, even if sometimes he has to remind himself. If the opportunity came he wouldn’t think twice about taking a knee, but he will most likely resort to speaking from his heart rather than some rehearsed romance trickery. In my peepers this is the most delicious type of romance. We forget how special the everyday can be when we are constantly bombarded with fake romance. Real romance to me, is unexpected kisses when you are folding laundry or doing the dishes. We don’t need V-day or an anniversary to express how we feel whether in a serious or silly manner. I am going home where your love has always been enough for me. The best romance can happen at home in your jammies with your soul twinsie. Romance is not just a mandate for the males, females should also be held accountable. It takes two to make a thing go right, it takes two to make it out of sight. Preach! And just in case you are wondering to be an MC is what I choose 'a. I would say most men can easily be the wonderful tonight type with a little effort and some key listening. As Montell said sometimes you gotta get your groove on before you go get paid. That’s AMORE kids!
You’d think that people would have had enough of silly love songs. Some people wanna fill the world with silly love songs. And what’s wrong with that? I’d like to know…? Sorry Ne-yo but unlike you I am not sick of love songs and I never will be. We need love. I am sick of fake romance. MJ told us it’s all in the way you make me feel. So to all the gentlemen of the world, whether your lady loves music or art or knitting, find a way to make "the everyday" romantic for the both of you. Sometimes all it takes is a simple…Oh my darling you look wonderful tonight…
This week we lost one of the greatest voices of our time. I couldn’t bring myself to write a post about it. Whitney, as a fan, I thank you for the years of amazing music you gave us. I bet the reunion concert in music heaven with Etta, and MJ was amazeballs. I know he sang Hey pretty baby with the high heels on…as you walked in the joint. May you rest in peace, and your legacy continue on through music. "If I should die this very day, don't cry cause on earth we wasn't meant to stay." I will try Whitney. I will try.
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JAM OF THE WEEK: Every single Whitney Houston song
As always keep it ferocious and fabulous!
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