There I was in the harsh light of my bathroom...is that...? Nooooo it can't be. OMG (GASP!) there's another one! Aughhhhh how could this be happening to me?! I am too young! I haven't even turned 30 yet! WTF fo reals....Should I do it?! I thought about it for a moment...could what people say really be true? Ahhh fuck it, I am just gonna do it. Phew! That was painless. And I held it up against the cruel reality of the light, just to be sure it wasn't one of my blonde highlights. Nope. It was a gray. Hair. Sweet baby J it hurts to even type it... I've had enough this is my prayer that I'll die living just as free as my hair. This is my prayer, I swear I am as free as my hair. I am my hair. I stayed in there like a psycho and after counting 7 more I almost shed a tear. Okay they were croc tears but still...I won't ever look as good as Anderson. Ever. My beloved gray fox!
Go Go Go Go Go Go Go Shawty...It's your birfday...we gonna partay like it's your birfday...and you know we don't give a fuck cause that's your birfday! As most of you know a certain someone just celebrated a birfday. Ewww it's me. Yup the big 28. Some of you who read this blog (thank you friends for sharing on facebook! Keep it up!) and don't know me personally would've sworn based on my acronym preferred language and endless "whatevs" that I was 12. Nope. A full blown adult. Suck it conformity and full sentences. I want to die before I get old. Talkin 'bout my generation Preach Roger. Who wants to be senile and fugly?! Not me. No diggity no doubt. Aging to me is a slow road to being alone and useless. That sounds harsh but it is MC talk. Do You Realize - that everyone you know someday will die... Clearly The Flaming Lips agree with MC talk. I hate the idea of sitting in a nursing home trying to remember the best moments of my life. Or how once upon a time I wouldn't randomly drool while speaking. Okay wait...that's not a great example...since that sometimes happens. Don't judge me. You feels me though right? I will midnight it on a train to Georgia before I let that shiz happen. Going back to a simpler place and time.
 |
| I think I am going to need more cream |
Wouldn't it be nice if we were older then we wouldn't have to wait so long... I distinctly remember being younger and bored in my room dreaming of the days I'd be older and super cool. In my day dreams I was always filthy rich and disgustingly skinny (oh maria you really should eat something...I know I just can't it is soooo hard), and I assure you there were no gray hairs. What I should have been doing was saving for all the anti-aging products I would be using... I wish that I knew what I know now when I was younger. Even though Rod warned me I didn't listen. What is it about youth that makes us feel as if we are on top of the world? Invincible? Our society is not kind to high human numbers so in turn we want to remain young for as long as we can. This is a touchy subject between my hair dresser and I. Tony Bolony pulls my hair a little harder every time he hears me bitch about how old I am. To a man nearing 60 this sounds like someone needs a beat down with the blow dryer. (Other than the self-inflicted blow dryer abuse he is an amazing hair god!! Salone De Belleze, East Islip 631-581-9247) Forever young...I wanna be forever young... But it is not my fault! Music has been obsessed with songs about aging since way back in the dark days when Tony lived. I was only able to highlight a few here, but the sheer volume of songs about aging is quite surprising. I have been conditioned to think this way.
When I am not complaining about my back hurting after I bring the groceries in, or my lack of desire to drive at night...I do think about the benefits of getting older. Jigga man says it best "I don't got the bright watch I got the RIGHT watch. I use to let my pants sag, not givin' a fuck now I got black cards, good credit and such...bae boy, cause I'm all grown up" I don't have to scheme up ways to work alcohol into my social life, I qualify for the "commuter special" at the bagel store, I get to watch R-rated movies whenever I want, and I give salty dirty looks to those annoying kids who are always playing in front of my driveway when I come home from work. Why do they have to run in front of the car as I creep up...WHY!?!? All pluses fo shizzle. Obviously maturity is the biggest benefit coupled with realizing the things that actually matter in life: facebook newsfeed, reading my US weekly, manicures making the most of this random, ridoncolous life.
 |
| I AM NOT DONE WITH THE FIRST COURSE BITCH! |
This point in my life resembles a certain restaurant experience that I believe we are all familiar with. There you are, you look great in your new heels and your make-up is MAJ. I die for it. You get seated at a great table and have just been informed they are serving a 5 course dinner for the price of regular dining. Ahhhhmazeballs. The first course is so delicious you can hardly believe it. The flavors explode in your mouth and you wish you could just eat this all night. There is so much food and just as you are reaching for one more glorious mouthful, the cute waiter comes over and takes it from you as the second course is coming any second now. That's what aging feels like to me. I am trying to get as much of course 1 as I can before course 2 comes and I've wasted such good food (aka life). Of course I know course 2 is gonna be epic and course 1 will pale in comparison. But I am one of those people who craves total and utter control. I want to go into the kitchen make the courses and then sample them in the order and quantity that I see fit. Nice try says life. Get back to your table!!
Slow down you crazy child...you're so ambitious for a juvenile. Where's the fire?! What's the hurry about? Billy Joel always influenced my school of thought but no song spoke to me the way Vienna seemed to then...and still does today. (You may have also seen it in the forgettable but fun Jennifer Gardner movie 13 going 30...talk about lame montage...who am I kidding I fuckin love it!) As a young adult wondering why I couldn't be in the 15 clubs I wanted to be in, his words of not growing up so fast went unappreciated by my over ambitious sassy ears. I look back and shake my head every time I see that picture of me in the Robotics club. I mean really?! What kind of shiz is that?!?! In typical Billy Joel form, his intimate and relatable lyrics accompanied by a disgustingly perfect melody make this song an anthem for weirdos like me who want to complete as much of the race upfront just in case I can't make up my time later. In 8th grade Mr. Wolgalter (holla my oregon middle school peeps!) my chorus teacher, taught me the song for my NYSSMA audition, you know, in my spare time between tennis, mock trial and drama. NERD ALERT!! From Billy's 1977 phenom album The Stranger, Vienna is a song about chillaxing and taking the time to enjoy life, while accepting that aging is not only normal but necessary. (Mr. W was trying to tell me something!) Billy found the inspiration as a surprise while on a stroll with his father in Austria were he saw an elderly woman sweeping the street. What a terrible way to spend your golden years!!! Talk about senior citizen abuse! Not so much said Mr. Billy Joel Senior; the city of Vienna allows its elder population to be productive members of society. Listen peepos gonna keep it reals with you: I can't fathom the thought of sweeping the street now as a partial PYT, let alone when I am all diapered up and cursing under my breath to nobody in particular. But you see that sneaky snickerson Billy uses Vienna as a metaphor for life. When will you realize...Vienna waits for you... Our "vienna" is waiting for us and when we are ready our landing will be flawless and seamless.
No comments:
Post a Comment