LOVE?

Have you always looked like this?

 

Ya Jenny Llego! Presente. The most beautiful woman in the world is getting divorced. Say it aint so! Marriage is hard work and apparently not just for us average looking peeps. Jenny from the block knows all too well having been married thrice. It is true that marriage is an absolute leap of faith. There is no guarantee that it will work out, unless of course you are an irish catholic in which case you make it work no matter what, because deeeevorce is unacceptable. But does practice make perfect? You gotta do it your way. You gotta prove it. You gotta mean what you say. A little certain someone seems to think so.

Do you hear that? I just made a MILL

I find Jennifer Lopez to be an extremely admirable woman. I guess I am part of the new jloration. (Yup, I am still using it) Listen peepos I could give 2 shits (why two? How come its not four or six...hmmm...) about her diva demands. After all blue m&m's really don't go with the other colors and should be picked out, and so what if she pushed other celebrities to try to get to meet Will & Kate? Yo she is from the boogie down Bronx bitches...Nothing phoney don't hate on me. What you get is what you see. She has just enough personality to make you feel like she is the fun latina next door, but don't get it twisted boo, she will snap you like a cracker if she needs to. You best recognize. She has perfected her triple threat image to the point where we don't realize that she actually isn't one. But she is such a likeable celebrity that many aspire to emulate, so we say things like 'she can sing, she can act' when we know that is not really true. Sorry mami real talk. We all know she just wants to dance...is that a crime? alright then...play her mother fucking song... A very good dancer, yes, but aren't most spanish people? Unless you are me and you walk the fine line between an epilepsy attack and overall body jiggling. Apologies if you were eating.

I am such a bigger star than you...

What most people don't realize is what an astute business woman J to the Lo. is. She successfully used her ethnicity, her climb to fame while on the 6 train, her dating partners, and her looks to create an empire that is going to keep her singing love don't cost a thing well into her 90's. She is smart, but never overtly so, like that Scarlett Johansson who has to proclaim her intelligence in every single movie interview. (So over that bitch) Beautiful both naturally and with the help of a great hair and make-up team: beyond glamorous. J was the first celeb to imagine all her minions smelling just like her and wearing her clothes. She started the name shortening (I tried to rock M.Co but it never quite caught on), the celebrity couple mania, the american booty crazy AND the mad collabo's while Akon was still a Konvict: Ja rule, Nas, LL Cool J, The Lox, Fabulous, Marc Anthony, Pitbull & Fat Joe. As you can see I am actually a big fan, I pretty much foam at the mouth for any woman who is large and in charge. She proved that talent can only take you so far and if you play your cards right and chase the right opportunities you can be in a #1 movie (where you pretty much play yourself in various life scenarios) and have a #1 song on the radio. Kids anything is possible!!

It has been quite a roller coaster to see the array of male contenders who have shared the spotlight with Ms. Lopez. Like an italian mother I share the belief that nobody is good enough for my baby. There were those two regular people she married, but nobody actually cares about them. At least I don't! The only guy I truly loved her with was Puffy because they were making such beautiful studio engineered music. At the time they both had equal fame and so career jealousy wasn't an issue. Then reading like a tales from the ghetto script they were torn apart by a night club shooting. What a shame! The Bennifer years were a clear cry for help from a woman who had everything except the trophy husband.

Top this Teresa Giudice my kids are wayyy cuter!

So when Marc El Cantante (I actually think this is her second best performance  after Selena) came along it seemed like well...maybe...REALLY?...skeletor?!... Okay what my baby wants my baby gets. When she got preggers and had those little Jloritos it was hard not to be happy for her and I came to accept Marco as the real deal and not just a sperm donor. She's dreamed of this long for so long!

This is ridic on its own no caption needed!

Jenny from the block should have done a Sara Bareilles and said I am not gonna write you a love song...because it seems like every time she proclaims her love it comes back to bite her in the ass. The life and times of a true hopeless romantic, just wanting to tell the world about her man and...generate a little publicity (that never hurt anyone) Augh... I almost couldn't get thru the I'm glad video because it is so obviously about Ben Affleck and their amazing ahem...well you know. It was her version of the "name tattoo" that peeps  always be sayin is the doom of relationships. Oh wait...um...Marc has "Jennifer" on his wrist. Shit. WHY!??!! moving on...

Why are you so much better looking than my husband?

Her new CD titled Love? (How prophetic!) has already spun 2 hit singles. The latest I'm into you featuring her signature collabo with Lil Wayne has been the talk of the town since the news of splitsville went public. Now what kind of blog would this be if I didn't discuss even the alleged rumors? The first time I saw this video I was entranced by how stammeringly stunning Jennifer was along side some guy whom they call The Cuban Brad Pitt. When I wasn't distracted by the strategic product placement (that's my girl!) of Gucci sunwear and some kind of beverage called Koma, I couldn't take my eyes off these two god-like figures. J has come a long way from the days of "Gonna be alright" where her love interest looked like some guy the crew picked up in washington heights, offered him some deodorant and hair gel and surprise you're in a video! (It is so atrocious, I highly encourage youtubing it) The magnetism between these two and the song itself is captivating enough until the random dance interlude halfway thru. Listen Beyonce...what you think you are the only one who can have one in a video?! Okay Jennifer we know you can dance...can we see the Cuban Brad Pitt again? And can someone PLEASE buy me that gorgeous crystal dress by Chan Luu?! Or the snakeskin Lanvin dress? Or could I just be J.Lo.? Sighssss...Daaaamn Jenny you lookin' mighty fine (thanks for rocking the frizzyly insane curly do!!) and who can blame you if William Levy (Cuban Brad Pitt) gave you his digits and you used it. While I don't normally roll with adultery, for you my babes I am willing to make an exception. Sorry skeletor you didn't really think you were good enough for her? Not when she looks this good sorry boo. However I do think the media got the wrong Cuban. I'd much rather see my J with Mr. Worlwide as they embark on a journey of non-stop club hits. You heard it here first!

In the title song (What is) Love?, J croons what if I never find, and I'm left behind? Should I keep hoping for love? What is love? Somebody show me. First of all, I hope they release this as her next single as it is a good song, and perfect for what is going on now...another failed attempt at love and marriage (genius marketing strategy) Second, Jenny poo you aren't alone. Many people out there can relate. It isn't easy to be in a marriage for anyone, celebrity or pee on. It is a constant battle of our own ego vs love, and love has to always prevail. I think you should keep hoping for love, nobody can tell you what love is but I am positive that you will know it when it finds you. Third, Happy Birfday Ms. Lopez!!! Here is to another decade with you in it!! And for God's sake will you start aging already?!!?

Happy 8 year anniversary to my better half - You said that we could possibly spend eternity, see that's what you told me that's what you said. You had my love and I gave you all my trust. You always knew my love didn't cost a thing, and that I'd dreamed of this love for so long. We used to have a little, now we have a lot. I signed you up and we got right. I feel lucky like a four leaf clover.

JAM OF THE WEEK: Jennifer Lopez (What is) LOVE?

As always keep it ferocious and fabulous!