The big apple vs the city of angels

 

I love New York. And not just that crazy hood rat who wanted to marry flavor flave. Did I say marry?... silly rabbit!!!  It is no secret that I am extremely proud to be a New Yorker.  In fact why wouldn’t I be? We are only great at…umm... this is awkward…EVERYTHING! Don't blame it on the sunshine, don't blame it on moonlight, don't blame it on the good times.  Blame it on the Boogie.  The Boogie down Bronx that is...(forgive me MJ I WILL ALWAYS LOVE YOU!)  The art of conversation CHECK, fashion & shopping CHECK, culture CHECK, sports CHECK, food DOUBLE CHECK…I mean our deli’s alone are copied by other states who call themselves “New York Style Deli” dream on bitches…The city of “angels” (if by angels you mean fake boobs, orange tans and bleached beyond recognition hair) is currently the most populated of all the states.  More doesn’t always mean better peeps! If there was anyone who was going to give the big apple a run for its money it would be Cali…

How do I look SNOOP?

Before Katy told us about daisy dukes running rampant in the golden coast, before the Laguna years of LC and Kristin fighting over Stephen (aughhh I am bored to death just thinking about that lame trio), there was Tupac & Dr. Dre telling us about California love. (Even though it has been brought to my attention by my biggest fan that Tupac was actually born in East Harlem...DISCUSS!)  The first time I heard that song in 1996 (I was 13….SIGHS…) it actually made me wish I was from there.   An infectious beat for a state that’s untouchable like Eliot Ness… I want to go to a state where they know how to party. DUH! Shake it Cali! Dre knows what he is talking about he is a DOCTOR. California: ONE.

I love telling people I am from New York when I am out of state or outside of the country because you never know the crazy shit they might say: First they tell me they could totally tell by my accent (WATAH, COAFFEE, OH MY GAWD), then they ask if I live in Brooklyn and if I know the mob. HA! No and no, but surely I go to the Hamptons right? Sure as often as I go to Times Square.  Do I ride the 6 like J.Lo? Sometimes when I am good we ride it together.  I am a Yankee fan though right?  Phew! Thank god!  Is it really like Sex in the City…more like STDs in the city but close enough?  Not that I WOULD KNOW…don’t get any ideas!  Then my favorite: But you are so friendly aren’t New Yorkers rude? Only if you are a fucking moron…act normal and nobody will be rude to you. Ha… convo over.  New York: ONE.

Such a lovely place

Biggie told us he was going going back back to Cali Cali… well he must have had good reason? Apparently it was strictly for the weather, women and the weed.  LL Cool J also wanted to go back…New York I don’t think so.  True the weather is a very appealing factor, and of course that delish Napa Valley wine (17 MILLION GALLONS produced every year…almost enough to keep all the housewives hydrated)…but if you don’t know the way to San Jose…where else might you go? BEVERLY HILLS…that’s where I WANT TO BE!!! Is that where Hotel California is? Will Don Henley my soul mate be there? Okay okay... so you have Hollywood, and those infamous California gurls, surfing, you raise the most turkeys out of any state, your state motto is EUREKA!, you invented the fortune cookie (in bed), Jeans, the Barbie doll and gave us technology via the genius pocket of Silicon Valley.  DAAAMN that’s hard to compete with…wait have I been californicated? CALIFORNIA: TWO.

Can you REALLY blame this guy for not wanting to leave?

I was starting to feel down that it had been such a long time since a true iconic New York song had been made. Yes we have spread the news, been in a NY state of mind and been to hell and back in a New York minute.  But I was longing for a contemporary song that made me feel proud of being a New Yorker again and not because we survived 9/11.  Just to celebrate our organic greatness while possibly shaking my pom pom.  ENTER JAY-Z with empire state of mind.  SUCK IT CALI!  Yes we have fierce winters…but have you ever walked through central park in a winter wonderland? It will take your breath away. Have you ever seen a fight on the subway? It will change your life! Unlike California gurls, we would never freak in a jeep.  We are classy…nothing less than a Cadillac.  We have the beautiful Hamptons & Montauk. Our state motto is EXELSIOR (ever upwards) because unlike CA we would never just give up after proclaiming we have FOUND IT! Always up…just like our beautiful sky scrappers...no view like top of the rock. You can meet your future love on a downtown train. Deli’s galore (KATZ my fave!), Tribecca, I represent Queens she was raised out in Brooklyn, Dominicanos on Broadway, Ellis Island, 5^th Avenue, The Garden, Coney Island, Wall Street, subway talent, China town, Jones Beach summer concerts, BAGELS & PIZZA, the best police and firemen in the world, Little Italy, the Yankees AND the Mets, Broadway, Shake Shack, Statue of Liberty and my beloved Long Island.  NEW YORK: EIGHT MILLION.

 

This debate may never be resolved, but as far as I am concerned the big apple will always own a piece of my heart.  But if Biggie had to choose a coast, he would choose the east. He lived out there so don’t go there. But that don’t mean a gentleman like himself can’t rest in the west.  My regards to a true competitor, whom I look forward to someday visiting.  You may have hoes in different area codes, but us New Yorkers we like our concrete jungle just the way it is...and always support our local hoes. 

This is where dreams are made, there is nothing you can’t do. I am living proof.  When I am having a bad day just strolling the streets makes me feel brand new.  No place in the world that can compare. You can tell by my attitude that I am definitely from NY.