Watch the Throne

The Hermes of verses and Mr. I invented Swag released their much anticipated collabo Watch the Throne a couple of weeks ago and it has a lot of peeps talking. If you are reading this post and are confused by those nicknames, of course I am referring to two of Hip Hop's biggest monsters today: Kanye West & Jay-Z. In this week's post we talk about my thoughts on the legendary rappers; how I think their new joint measured up, and what's up with all this criticism?! Are haters always gonna hate?

If you know me, then you already know I am a ginormous Jay-Z fan. The idea for this little blog that could began with him. I am very inspired by his story, his resilience and his cockiness...that we are not worthy of his presence. Truth. His success in business, music, fame, notoriety and respect among the hood and the country club types is unparalleled. Proof. Kanye West is a total deuchington but his brilliance as a rapper goes beyond a sharp tongue, and perfectly engineered songs with catchy (and sometimes) controversial hooks. Chuck D of N.W.A. once said that "hip hop music is the black CNN"  I appreciate the raw honesty about our culture, specifically the African American sector of it that rap & hip hop bring to the forefront. While I may have my reservations to truly say I like KW as a person, he has delivered music that has not only perfectly captured the social commentary of the black community but also challenged the limits of music and how it can be made.

"Otis" one of the best songs on the album, was leaked about a month and a half ago and it was well received by this MC. The song is classic Kanye style: let's take an old song by another legend, sample it, make a sick beat, and rap about how much better than everyone else we are. Result = insane levels of epic balls! Another notch on the belt and the fans eat it up! Or do they? Regardless of how high haterade consumption is, I say if Funkmaster Flex is playing it on HOT 97 & DJ Clue is playing it on 105.1 every half hour, that shiz is going platinum. Believe dat. Similar to Gold Digger which samples a Ray Charles song, Otis Redding's soft vocals introduce the song slowly, at which point Jay comes on asking It sounds so soulful don't you agree? Sure do Jigga Man, at least it is the real thing not Jamie Foxx. <<Okay let's have some real talk for a hot minute: that Mr. Jamie Foxx always surprises me!! He is like the male JLo: movies, music, dancing, instruments...wait a minute do I HEART JF?? I am drinking some wine as I write this so blame it on the a-a-a-alcohol...feeling on your butt what...ahh love that song, but I've digressed.>> And then the song dives into slick rhymes by the ambigous duo taking turns claiming they looking so fresh gotta call the paparazzi on they self, and don't get confused 'Ye was seen in his other OTHER Benz. Get it right. Maybe I am slightly biased toward this song because this was the first track off the album I heard, maybe it's because Try a little tenderness has always had a special place in my heart, or maybe it's because the song is just fuckin good. This is what Kanye does best, he takes what society deems as the has-beens of music and finds a way to make it relevant and fresh in a way nobody saw coming. He has a good ear and the vision to perfectly merge black and white, oil and vinegar, old and new and anything else you thought couldn't be mixed. I made Jesus Walks so I am never going to hell Who in this day and age makes an amazeballs rap song about Jesus that also plays in da club, on radios, at house parties and the ipods of millions who are not even religious? Why Kanye does boo. Recognize fool.

Niggas in Paris (actual title - don't get offended) is the second best song on the album. The immediate connection to a song's beat is what sells me on it. The deciding factor between an average song and a great one is the lyrics. There is a lot going on in this song underneath the bounce-friendly beat and offensive title. Wait...? Why is it offensive? Niggas can go to Paris can't they? (Calm down it's just a blog) Actually the pimp team of the cent recorded some of the album in Paris while holed up in hotel rooms. Sounds like it was super rough. What do you mean you don't have escargot? This album, but specifically this song explores the idea that these two prominent black men with extreme talent, money and fame are still not accepted as such by our society. This is their music testimony that they indeed deserve their status and more. Ball so hard I'm shocked too, I'm supposed to be locked up too. If you escape what I've escaped, you'd be in Paris getting fucked up too. I dare you my dear reader to listen to this song and not want to do some outrageous dance to it. Outrageous is left up to you to interpret. 'Ye-Z take turns telling us about la vie en rose in Paris, and then halfway thru the song the music ends and we hear dialogue from Blades of Glory (never seen it) I recognized Will Ferrell's voice but not the lines. The snippet truly made me chuckle it is both unexpected and completely appropriate. Then we go back to team swagaroo and the song concludes with a reminder that you are now watching the throne and don't let Kanye get into his zone. Song of the year.

No church in the wild is the third standout song where Kanye compares himself to Jesus. If you're a 'Ye fan this comes as no surprise, standard Kanyeness here. We formed a new religion, no sins as long as there is permission, and deception is the only felony. So never fuck nobody without telling me. Hov also reinforces this notion by reminding us Jesus was a carpenter, Yeezy, laid beats Hova flow the Holy Ghost, get the hell up out your seats. Preach. Clearly that's exactly the same. Thanks for clarifying Hov. Frank Ocean is featured in this song as well as in the melancholy Made in America. Here we thank the sweet baby Jesus and rejoice that we made it in America. While it is not a dancing joint, it is another lyrical testament of how far these two have come before they ruled the world, while shouting out Brother Martin & Malcom and don't forget the sweet baby Jesus is mentioned 20 times. I like the tenderness behind this song, Frank Ocean brings that, but in the song a New Day we get that from the illest motherfucker alive himself. The song is a foreshadowing of their surprising advice to their future sons, produced by the Rza from Wu-Tang.  Kanye starts with and I'll never let my son have an ego, I mean I might make him be republican so everyone know he love white people. I just want him to have an easy life...not the Yeezy life. Love, love LOVE the GWB/Katrina incident thrown in there in reverse. Jay summarizes the entire song with Sorry Junior I already ruined you. Sins of a father makes your life 10 times harder. Touching...to think they don't want their unborn sons to take after them. Do any of us? Really good stuff folks.  Me and the Rza connect.

So what are all these panties in a bunch for? Critics are coming down hard on Hip Hop's Bad Boys for their lack of tact during tough financial times. Watch the Throne was released on the day the Dow saw its worse drop in 2 years (over 600 points). Lyrics like what's 50 grand to a motha fucker like me? Can you please remind me? have people fired up. Look it...nobody was more upset than yours truly when I saw my stock loose $20 per share in a single hour that day. But to say that dropping an album all about how much better the rap royals are than the rest of us is insensitive, seems a little like saying I have emotional scarring from the earth quake. A bit dramatic? Yes. Completely far-fetched? You betcha. Yes I understand there are still a lot of people out there who are just getting by...but I think aspirational music is important. Jay-Z doesn't glorify money, yachts, Louie boat shoes, big face rollies or his 5 passports. No friends, his message is simpler than that: work hard, achieve success, and then you too can be a nigga in Paris or St. Tropez or anywhere that isn't the craptastic place you live. I don't want to listen to a rap song about the average life because I live that life. I want to vicariously live the life of gold models, sold models (bitch behave just might let you meet 'Ye..)  So to the haters I say, that this type of music if anything, inspires while it entertains. We shoud not blame anyone else for our personal finances. If you are a mediocre member of society, you will continue to be one regardless of what Chi town & Hov do or don't do. Plus what else are they supposed to rap about? This is their actual lifestyle, they really do ball that hard.

I can sit here all day and tell you all the reasons why you should be listening to the album. But instead, I recommend you watch a mini-documentary (11 minutes...common peepos I know you got the time! Click on the link below) about the making of this masterpiece. The best part is seeing an up and coming KW in 2002 telling the camera to watch out because he is about to take music to the next level. Doctors say I am illest because I suffer from realness. And he did. They did. It aint safe in the city...watch the throne. That shit cray.

Watch the Throne documentary link

JAM OF THE WEEK: Niggas in Paris AND THE ENTIRE CD!

As always keep it ferocious and fabulous!

It's Britney Bitch!

 I heard my beloved Brit Brit was coming to Nassau Coliseum and I was thinking about going to see her in concert. I haven't seen Ms. Spears since way before I was legal, but unfortunately I couldn't fit it in to my schedule. So instead I thought I'd write about my faves pop artist, get in the zone, make some outrageous claims (so unthinkable a few of you might be mad) AND have some fun while we do it. So all my people in the crowd, grab a partner and take it down.

Oh Britney. You came into our lives like a hurricane, wearing a school girl uniform and confessing to us that your loneliness was killing you. You asked for a sign.  And boy did we give it to you. Those were the days of TRL and an explosion of pop like the music industry had not experienced in a very long time. Now into her third decade of making music (that is just unbelievable) Britney Spears is still on top and showing that a little "crazy" and a good producer talent can keep you on top. Take notes Madge because it's Britney Bitch.

 

When I saw the baby one more time video, I couldn't help but to think...Why haven't I thought to wear just my sports bra to school? Ohhh...that's right I don't have the abs for it  I am shy. Damn it! Britney was geniusly marketed as the pretty but accessible girl next door. If you remember it was a sports bra and sweat pants she wore in that video, along with the school girl uniform (her idea after rejecting a suggestion to do an "animated" video. GOOD CALL BRITTERS!!) Equal opportunity for young high school boys AND older skeevy men. She can get down just like the rest of you! Was she born to make us happy?

NOTHING bothers me more than artists being compared to Madonna. Let me take you back for hot minute...before I explain this statement. Remember the first ipod? I do. It skipped, got stuck, was a black and white screen, had limited space and if the battery died you were SOL. Remember the first tampon? I do. Non-discreet and made out of cardboard. Remember Lasik eye surgery when it first came out? You probably don't because if you had it, you probably had a heart attack at the thought of your cornea being sliced with a blade. Remember the first computer? DOS. Ew. Remember the first Zack Morris style mobile phone? The antenna alone was the length of 3 blackberries today. Nobody ever says well the original was better because it came out first. NOBODY. I am glad that my ipod is in color now and I can play any of the 7,000 songs I have. I am thankful to the sweet baby jesus someone thought of using plastic at playtex. I hated that disgusting slow compaq computer I was forced to be grateful for having. Dial-up aged me by like three years. My crackberry is my life and I wouldn't go back to that beast of a phone even if Zack came with it. So why is this concept different for Britney Spears when history tells us reinvention is the lifeline of music. Yes Madonna is, was, always will be an icon and YES she is amazeballs. But the music of today is sooo different than that at the peak in Madge's career. Our expectations are different, marketing and media play a bigger part and to make these comparisons seems a bit antiquated. So here it is: I am ready to finally say that Britney has surpassed Madonna and is in fact a better artist. OH NO SHE DIDN'T!!! Sure I did bitches. Will you hold it against me?

There's only 2 types of people in the world. The ones that entertain and the ones that observe. I guess we know which one Britney is, her worth is an estimated $155M... mucho dinero (this is also my favorite essie color right now) indeed. She took center stage during the revival of teen pop in the late 90's. She perfected her image while growing up on the mickey mouse club (awww isn't that precious, you totally know her and Justin were making out backstage!!) and in 1999 she released the monster of an album Baby One More Time. I remember how furious I was that Mother's Music in Patchogue had sold out of it. So I was forced to go to the Wiz. Before there was best buy, nobody beat the wiz! (Actually the wiz still exists...I know! I thought I went to a fugazy website at first...but it is legit: thewiz.com) I still know the words to every song on that CD because I played it endlessly!! Baby One More Time remains the ultimate pop song because 12 years later we still love the pleasing melody, the easy tone of britney's voice and more importantly it represents a specific place and time for each and every one of us. There is a great song on this album that never saw the light of radio: Soda Pop. I wouldn't say it is a reggae song, but it certainly has a fun reggae vibe that is just so different than the rest of the album and anything else Britters has done since. During the bridge she really stretches those vocal chords also something we don't normally hear from her. She is actually singing. Sayyy whats?!

Since 1999 my little bevos (new word alert!) has turned into a bonafide money making machine: 7 studio albums; she was the first female to have 6 of them debut at the #1 spot. (It earned her a spot in the guinnes book of world records) Lucrative endorsement deals with pepsi and candie's, 2 books, tours that generate millions in profits, a movie...(Common you know you watched it...and wondered why Dan Akroid would EVER agree to be in it! ANSWER: It made $47M!), a reality show (yo don't play that homie you know you watched that too!) fragrance deals, phone and ipad apps, 21 Top 40 hits, and the undisputable power to sell thru more magazines than brangelina. Nobody cares about adopted kids. Real talk. They care about bald and beautiful Britney beating the shit out of the paparazzi with an umbrella. I swear to god I contemplated the shaved head look when Britney did it. Then I remembered I didn't have a sick body to distract people with!

 Okay so my Brit Brit doesn't use music as a vehicle to express social issues, or any vehicle for that matter ala Madonna with Papa Don't Preach. She uses technology to enhance her tracks and creates her own brand of "Britbot", not a robot but a britney-esque robot! But just like beef jerky she is american made, (we love it even though sometimes it is kind of gross and leaves a bad taste in our mouths) and we are proud!!! At least she doesn't act like she is embarrassed to be an american by manufacturing some ridiculous fake half british accent (yea I am talking to you Madonna) and living in the english country side because you know America is just so lame. Brit put out one of her best albums at a time when her personal life was in shambles. Following her signature formula of club pop tracks laced with clever (all of the boys and all of the girls are begging to if you seek amy...common that's fuckin brilliant) catchy melodies as addicting as heroin, she delivered amazing music. She then released 2 more albums and showed Katy, Ke$ha and RiRi that this is her playground and she ALLOWS them go on the monkey bars. You want a piece of me?

 

We love Britney Spears because she gives us exactly what we want. Sorry peeps, I am a very socially conscious individual but I am not looking for a Sudan update when I hear a Britney song! I want to escape, I want to be distracted while I do heinous house chores (aughhhhhh always the damn dishes...) I want a sick beat to shake to while at a red light, out at a bar with friends, at the gym, while I am tanning (I love to dance in the stand-up booth! It's awesomeness!) Ms. American dream since she was 17 represents that place we go to when we want to zone out. Obviously for me I need music in this place. I can be lost in music endlessly for hours. And dancing to Britney music for days if I knew the old ball and chain wasn't gonna come home to ruin it. Do I pretend I am Britters circa 2000 in the oops I did it again video? Sure I do. Do I immitate her deathly precise dance moves? Sure I do, but I am better at the infamous MTV performance routine for Gimme More. The one where she looked completely drunk and uncoordinated? Yes that's the one. I add in my secret move: the running man and it makes for an epic way to use my kitchen floor! I just read in US weekly that Brit doesn't like to bathe for days, cuts the cheese, goes digging for gold (oh my god that Britney's shameless), demands only MJ be played in her dressing room and loves to eat junk food. BRITTERS we got more in common than you think girl... CALL ME!!! When was the last time you heard a Madonna song on the radio? AND Not from 2 decades ago? Exactly....Femme Fatale has surpassed every expectation I had and proves that Britney is still and will be for years to come a force to be reckoned with. Gimme gimme more Britney...

JAM OF THE WEEK: Soda Pop (Baby one more time), Shattered Glass (Circus)

As always keep it ferocious and fabulous!

What kind of fuckery is this!??!

 

I've always wondered what it is like to have such amazeballs raw talent that it leads to creating morning noon and night. Talent so intense and ever present harnessing it is not a matter of hard work but will. This week we will be discussing two great Brits whose short lived reign left a definitive mark on the world and of course inspired me.

I've always been average at everything. True story. I don't know what it is like to wake in the middle of the night with a great idea for a movie, a painting, a garment, or a song. I am more of an operations type. Tell me what the idea is and I will make it happen. The logistics so to speak. This past week I had the pleasure of seeing the Alexander McQueen Savage Beauty exhibit at the Met. To say that it was spectacular would be an understatement. Perhaps because I've never truly experienced anything quite like it, I was awestruck. I went in the middle of the afternoon and the wait was 2 hours. The line wrapped around through all the galleries on the second floor. Along the way I heard crazy tourist make comments like "do you think the subway will be dangerous at night?" and got to experience the Mesopotamia and Babylon years. I watched disgruntled husbands and children keep coming back only to say "mooom you are still on this line...?" I loved the tenacity of the woman in front of me. Her family kept coming back to guilt her into leaving the line. "I came to see some McQueen and I ain't leaving till I do" Good for you sister. Power to the moms! It's about time they get to do something THEY want! I heard many self described McQueen experts school the non-experts on the line: He was actually from scotland but had deep ties to London. He was really disturbed, but extremely talented. Alexander is actually his middle name. We finally reached the entrance to the exhibit only to find that photographs could not be taken. Of course assholes still did it anyway.

At first I was disappointed, but as I worked my way through the first piece, an unbelievable dress made out of ostrich feathers and medical glass slabs, I didn't even care about not being able to use my camera. The dress held my attention for a few minutes... I mean really?! Who would even think of dying medical glass slabs red? Only Dr. Quinn medicine woman if she started a high end couture line. And this was only the first dress. The following hour and a half was spent musing around from piece to piece wondering how such a distinctively brilliant mind could not see what a gift he was to fashion and art. One piece was more decadent and exotic than the last, and really seeing it up close...I am talking inches from my face...was a true treat. The construction and detail were so intricate and yet made to look deceptively simple. Truly genius. I might have lost my mind when I got to see the iconic McQueen tartan and I might have possibly reached out and touched it. What an honor! Luckily the guard didn't see me. Phew!

 Alexander was known for his extremes. He became known as the hooligan of english fashion because of the shock tactics he used during his shows, IE: one controversial collection titled Highland Rape. His ability to perfectly pair extremes is apparent in not just his pieces but also in his famous quotes displayed throughout the exhibit. "I oscillate between life and death, happiness and sadness, good and evil."  He hung himself one morning in February 2010 after a dark period of heavy drug use, unwavering unhappiness and his mother's death. Alexander McQueen's exhibit showed me something I haven't seen in a long time: beauty in the most unlikely of places. It was quite mesmerizing to listen to his pieces and absorb the amazing stories they each told. Although his brand will continue the spirit of his genius will always be missed. Lady Gaga wrote "Fashion of his Love" in his honor and it is an amazing song, truly fitting just like Mr. McQueen himself. Download!

In one of my favorite Amy Winehouse song's she asks "What kind of fuckery is this..?" Indeed Amy this song is the perfect alliteration to your short sad tragic life. In it she sings in her raspy and soulful voice about how nothing stands in between her and Mr. Jones. In real life nothing stood between her and boo Blake, not even drugs, as he has always been noted as the culprit who introduced Amy to drugs. Her death has left many like myself reflecting on what could have been...A duet with Adele? A tour with Florence and the Machine...all just dreams now...

The story goes that after some fugazi behavior on Amy Jade's part, her management suggested a trip to rehab after her debut album Frank. Boy she was honest in that album one of my faves is the song about FMP's (also known as "help yourself") The song is a very accurate and hysterical depiction of those clubby gold-digger skanky types. And the video is even more entertaining. I think they hired LI girls for it! (Youtube it!) She went to rehab for 5 minutes and gave management a big Fuck You with the creation of her I ain't got 17 days anthem. Because duh, she'd rather be at home with Ray. Back to Black is by far Amy's finest work, and probably one of the best albums of the entire decade. Yup I says it. The LP was huge in the UK and I remember reading about rehab before I heard it here in the US. Then I found a Jay-Z remix, in which his rap verse is sharp and relevant (per his usual) as he talks about drug addiction and shouts out Bobby and Whitney. Who was this Amy Winehouse I wondered...and I downloaded both albums. As I played the song I thought wow this black chick is bringing Jazz back. Awesome! I also immediately loved her low voice. In middle & high school I was sometimes an alto but mostly a tennor because my singing voice was deeper than all of the boy geeks in chorus. Good times. That scored me a ton of dates. So I was thrilled to be able to sing along to a song without having to bring it down an octave! The soulfulness that came across + the sound was nothing like I had heard in a very long time. I watched the video and realized she wasn't black and was British...DAAAMN!

Unlike American Disc Jockey's I listened and enjoyed the entire CD beyond rehab. "Valerie" stuck with me for about a year. I played that shit out night after night. The song makes me wonder who Valerie is and why won't she just come over?! The tempo of the song is so deliciously slow and it really feels like every note is being perfectly marinated as Amy sings it. The acoustic feel to it transports the listener to a simpler time. When a voice and a few instruments were enough to make great music. Suck it T-Pain with your auto-tune. When I wanted to give my ipod's most played joints a break, I found the Mark Ronson, Baby J and the Count of Monte Cristo & Sinden remixes. You may have heard the Ronson version butchered on glee. I am a big fan of glee: did not think they did AW justice. A faster more jazzed up version of the original song, MR did a great job evoking a longing from the listener to hear more as soon as the song ends. Plus I love hearing Amy's speaking voice in her delightful accent saying she was having too much fun right at the beginning. The Baby J refix has a reggae vibe to it. OMG I love it! Of course I do!! It's reggae....aside from that, it features UK artists I had never heard of before whom I thoroughly enjoyed. The Count of Monte Cristo & Sinden (these DJ names are so ridic!) remix is more of a fist pumping joint at a rave or maybe equally appropriate for the treadmill. The same song 4 very different ways and it is equally phenomenal. That's what I think is so very special about Amy's voice; she can be on a slow, fast, reggae and club dance record. Have you heard Jlo and Brit brit try to sing a slow song or ballad? It's rough peeps...real rough. Even with the best intentions (aka producers) it's just not something every voice can do.

By the time I am out the door you tear me down like Roger Moore. We all watched as the media had a good old fashioned field day with Amy's demise.  Like McQueen, she engaged in heavy drug use, self mutilating behavior, and an overall under appreciation of their contribution to their respective fields. McQueen dreamed up shit Karl Lagerfeld still wishes he thought of first. It was his relentless disassociation with the normal and the average in fashion that inspired so many. Amy opened up the market for singers like Chrisette Michele (I went to high school with her and we sat next to each other during chorus - download her debut cd you won't regret it), Duffy and Adele.  She redefined music at a time where instruments were OUT and sex was IN. So when you ask what kind of fuckery you are Amy...I say simply the best kind.

I feel deeply for people like Alexander & Amy. I don't understand addiction or suicide because I have never seen it first hand. Although I may come off to some as a hard and unforgiving absolutist when it comes to people who engage in self-destructive acts, I make an exception for these two Brits because of the future I won't get to see them partake in as a fan. When I heard about their deaths I died a hundred times. I wonder if maybe being blessed with so much talent makes some feel like they don't belong here with the rest of us. They see themselves as black & white while we see them as vibrant pops of color. Their time here on earth is spent searching for that darkness from which they came from. Do they think their demise is just a matter of time? And life is like a pipe and I am like a tiny penny rolling up inside the walls. There is nothing we can teach them that they can't learn from Mr. Hathaway...they cheated themselves like they knew they would. They told us they were trouble...you know they are no good.... May they both finally be at peace as they go back to black.

JAM OF THE WEEK: I know I made a lot of suggestions in this post...I say do them all but if you can only do one: Valerie (the original)

As always keep it ferocious and fabulous! 

 

LOVE?

Have you always looked like this?

 

Ya Jenny Llego! Presente. The most beautiful woman in the world is getting divorced. Say it aint so! Marriage is hard work and apparently not just for us average looking peeps. Jenny from the block knows all too well having been married thrice. It is true that marriage is an absolute leap of faith. There is no guarantee that it will work out, unless of course you are an irish catholic in which case you make it work no matter what, because deeeevorce is unacceptable. But does practice make perfect? You gotta do it your way. You gotta prove it. You gotta mean what you say. A little certain someone seems to think so.

Do you hear that? I just made a MILL

I find Jennifer Lopez to be an extremely admirable woman. I guess I am part of the new jloration. (Yup, I am still using it) Listen peepos I could give 2 shits (why two? How come its not four or six...hmmm...) about her diva demands. After all blue m&m's really don't go with the other colors and should be picked out, and so what if she pushed other celebrities to try to get to meet Will & Kate? Yo she is from the boogie down Bronx bitches...Nothing phoney don't hate on me. What you get is what you see. She has just enough personality to make you feel like she is the fun latina next door, but don't get it twisted boo, she will snap you like a cracker if she needs to. You best recognize. She has perfected her triple threat image to the point where we don't realize that she actually isn't one. But she is such a likeable celebrity that many aspire to emulate, so we say things like 'she can sing, she can act' when we know that is not really true. Sorry mami real talk. We all know she just wants to dance...is that a crime? alright then...play her mother fucking song... A very good dancer, yes, but aren't most spanish people? Unless you are me and you walk the fine line between an epilepsy attack and overall body jiggling. Apologies if you were eating.

I am such a bigger star than you...

What most people don't realize is what an astute business woman J to the Lo. is. She successfully used her ethnicity, her climb to fame while on the 6 train, her dating partners, and her looks to create an empire that is going to keep her singing love don't cost a thing well into her 90's. She is smart, but never overtly so, like that Scarlett Johansson who has to proclaim her intelligence in every single movie interview. (So over that bitch) Beautiful both naturally and with the help of a great hair and make-up team: beyond glamorous. J was the first celeb to imagine all her minions smelling just like her and wearing her clothes. She started the name shortening (I tried to rock M.Co but it never quite caught on), the celebrity couple mania, the american booty crazy AND the mad collabo's while Akon was still a Konvict: Ja rule, Nas, LL Cool J, The Lox, Fabulous, Marc Anthony, Pitbull & Fat Joe. As you can see I am actually a big fan, I pretty much foam at the mouth for any woman who is large and in charge. She proved that talent can only take you so far and if you play your cards right and chase the right opportunities you can be in a #1 movie (where you pretty much play yourself in various life scenarios) and have a #1 song on the radio. Kids anything is possible!!

It has been quite a roller coaster to see the array of male contenders who have shared the spotlight with Ms. Lopez. Like an italian mother I share the belief that nobody is good enough for my baby. There were those two regular people she married, but nobody actually cares about them. At least I don't! The only guy I truly loved her with was Puffy because they were making such beautiful studio engineered music. At the time they both had equal fame and so career jealousy wasn't an issue. Then reading like a tales from the ghetto script they were torn apart by a night club shooting. What a shame! The Bennifer years were a clear cry for help from a woman who had everything except the trophy husband.

Top this Teresa Giudice my kids are wayyy cuter!

So when Marc El Cantante (I actually think this is her second best performance  after Selena) came along it seemed like well...maybe...REALLY?...skeletor?!... Okay what my baby wants my baby gets. When she got preggers and had those little Jloritos it was hard not to be happy for her and I came to accept Marco as the real deal and not just a sperm donor. She's dreamed of this long for so long!

This is ridic on its own no caption needed!

Jenny from the block should have done a Sara Bareilles and said I am not gonna write you a love song...because it seems like every time she proclaims her love it comes back to bite her in the ass. The life and times of a true hopeless romantic, just wanting to tell the world about her man and...generate a little publicity (that never hurt anyone) Augh... I almost couldn't get thru the I'm glad video because it is so obviously about Ben Affleck and their amazing ahem...well you know. It was her version of the "name tattoo" that peeps  always be sayin is the doom of relationships. Oh wait...um...Marc has "Jennifer" on his wrist. Shit. WHY!??!! moving on...

Why are you so much better looking than my husband?

Her new CD titled Love? (How prophetic!) has already spun 2 hit singles. The latest I'm into you featuring her signature collabo with Lil Wayne has been the talk of the town since the news of splitsville went public. Now what kind of blog would this be if I didn't discuss even the alleged rumors? The first time I saw this video I was entranced by how stammeringly stunning Jennifer was along side some guy whom they call The Cuban Brad Pitt. When I wasn't distracted by the strategic product placement (that's my girl!) of Gucci sunwear and some kind of beverage called Koma, I couldn't take my eyes off these two god-like figures. J has come a long way from the days of "Gonna be alright" where her love interest looked like some guy the crew picked up in washington heights, offered him some deodorant and hair gel and surprise you're in a video! (It is so atrocious, I highly encourage youtubing it) The magnetism between these two and the song itself is captivating enough until the random dance interlude halfway thru. Listen Beyonce...what you think you are the only one who can have one in a video?! Okay Jennifer we know you can dance...can we see the Cuban Brad Pitt again? And can someone PLEASE buy me that gorgeous crystal dress by Chan Luu?! Or the snakeskin Lanvin dress? Or could I just be J.Lo.? Sighssss...Daaaamn Jenny you lookin' mighty fine (thanks for rocking the frizzyly insane curly do!!) and who can blame you if William Levy (Cuban Brad Pitt) gave you his digits and you used it. While I don't normally roll with adultery, for you my babes I am willing to make an exception. Sorry skeletor you didn't really think you were good enough for her? Not when she looks this good sorry boo. However I do think the media got the wrong Cuban. I'd much rather see my J with Mr. Worlwide as they embark on a journey of non-stop club hits. You heard it here first!

In the title song (What is) Love?, J croons what if I never find, and I'm left behind? Should I keep hoping for love? What is love? Somebody show me. First of all, I hope they release this as her next single as it is a good song, and perfect for what is going on now...another failed attempt at love and marriage (genius marketing strategy) Second, Jenny poo you aren't alone. Many people out there can relate. It isn't easy to be in a marriage for anyone, celebrity or pee on. It is a constant battle of our own ego vs love, and love has to always prevail. I think you should keep hoping for love, nobody can tell you what love is but I am positive that you will know it when it finds you. Third, Happy Birfday Ms. Lopez!!! Here is to another decade with you in it!! And for God's sake will you start aging already?!!?

Happy 8 year anniversary to my better half - You said that we could possibly spend eternity, see that's what you told me that's what you said. You had my love and I gave you all my trust. You always knew my love didn't cost a thing, and that I'd dreamed of this love for so long. We used to have a little, now we have a lot. I signed you up and we got right. I feel lucky like a four leaf clover.

JAM OF THE WEEK: Jennifer Lopez (What is) LOVE?

As always keep it ferocious and fabulous! 

Summer: Always be my baby

Druuuums please!!! Now that July 4th has come and gone, summer is officially in full swing. For me, this time of year is synonymous with endless summer slacking, weekend beach trips, succulent bbq's, blockbuster movies, generous alcohol consumption (blue moon!!!) and of course music to go with it all. In my opinion no summer is like a summer on my isla bonita, but there is something in the air during these months that it is almost intoxicating. I can't wait to fall in love with you, you can't wait to fall in love with me...this just can't be summer love...you'll see. While my affair with the best season is more pronounced from May thru September, it constantly lives in my mind reminding of what was and the fun to come. Summer Breeze makes me feel fine...blowing through the jasmine in my mind.

  

It was 1996 my thoughts were short my hair was long, caught some where between a girl and woman. It was summertime in Patchogue NY. When I was 13 I was finally allowed to walk to Corey Beach by myself and I thought it was the greatest thing since Noxema. That was the summer it became clear to me I could never live without a beach, or noxema for that matter. It was short lived and I moved onto to other products quickly. I can't help it I am a cosmetics whore! To say I am a beach bum is the understatement of the century. One of the things I love about summer is the restorative power it has. I need the beach the way plants need sun to make chlorophyll. I know some of you out there paid attention in earth science! I find such peace and inspiration at the beach, I think I am addicted to it. I love reading and this is the one place I can truly loose myself in a book. That is until some asshole yells out "Hey Joey look at that hot chick over there, yo bro she's banging" I guess now is a good time for a nap and the ipod. After I double check I didn't drive to seaside by accident I lay down and I am once again one with the earth. Just wasting time...let the hours roll by doing nothing for the fun...a little taste of the good life....

It's not a day for work, its a day for catching tan...just laying on the beach and having fun...she's going to get you! After a long week of work and commuting all that she wants more than anything is getting into my car and go fast on the parkway blasting music. This is an extremely important part of summer madness. Music, but more specifically the anthems we groove to year after year. I know summer has officially begun when I hear the entire endless summer album and I blast Summertime while driving slowly, the way DJ Jazzy Jeff and the Fresh Prince intended it to be. I pretty much consider any trace of reggae a summer song because it reminds me of my fondness for the Caribbean. I love a good jam mon! Sean Paul, check...after all these years I am still in love with you boy... Mr.Bob Marley and all of his hits, and that should not need an explanation. Although I am a white wine woman, red red wine you make me feel so fine...your kind of loving like a blessing from above. True story peeps.

 

In addition to songs there are a couple of music videos that can bring the summer vibe to us no matter time nor place. In 1995 Mariah set the standard for my summer must-haves. I love the video for fantasy, it makes me want to go to a carnival and sing about my sweet sweet fantasy while rollerblading. Was that song about Tommy Mottola? Ew double gross. Since then denim cutoffs have never left my life. The song really comes to life in the remix with Old Dirty Bastard. No...not Bill O'Reilly, silly wabbit, the rapper O.D.B. and Puffy finds a way to sneak into the song per his usual. Yoooooo NY in da house!! Classic! RIP ODB. The other video that hits the spot is Always be my baby. Yo mariah you on FIRE! The cute interracial love between the young kids at summer camp, Ms. Carey looking country chic swinging from the tire swing effortlessly and gracefully, I mean what else could a summer video need? 

I could write about summer songs until the next decade but my all time top summer song has always been and always will be Boys of Summer. I have no clue why...but I worship Don Henley the way mice worship cheese. Back when MTV actually played videos, I saw this black and white masterpiece. I was nine or ten and it was a special of the greatest 80's songs. Even though I didn't get the meaning right away its melody and young DH pounding on those drums with that fierce hair stole my heart. This video layers a summer romance on top of fading youth and is the epitome of nostalgia and hope. The three DH's look back even though they are not supposed to...gets me every time! If only wafers would look good on me, I'd be all set. I heart you Don Henley!!!!

 

So now that we've discussed the past, it is time to discuss 2011. My jam this summer for you to discover and enjoy before it is ruined by the radio, is a Pitbull song. His new CD "Planet Pit" is simply spectacular. I am pretty obsessed with Mr. 305/worldwide and have been for a long time but I think this song has really spoken to my hips this summer and hopefully my dear reader it will speak to yours. Appropriately titled Shake Senora since I am a married lady, it features Sean DaPaul & T-Pain. There is also a remix with the aforementioned AND Luda. I can't decide which version I like best though they are both outstanding. My fav part comes around 2:33 and for those of you who read last week's post you will know instantly why. I say download the entire CD and you will dance your way through the summer. Mal hablado y fresco... That's why I love you Pit!

JAM OF THE WEEK: Entire Planet Pit CD but specifically Shake Senora

As always keep it ferocious and fabulous!